Stories That Create Suffering

Reprinted from Where Do You Hang Your Hammock?: Finding Peace of Mind While You Write, Publish, and Promote Your Book with permission of She Writes Press. Copyright © 2021, Bella Mahaya Carter.

I once saw a cartoon titled “Suffering,” which consisted of a leaf falling gently from a tree. A thought bubble expressing the leaf’s sentiments said, “Why is this happening?”

We don’t suffer because we experience change or challenges or have to do things we don’t want to do. We don’t suffer because we are ill or in pain or uncomfortable. We suffer because of the stories we tell ourselves about our circumstances. We suffer when our minds cling to limiting, fearful thinking. We suffer when we refuse to accept life on its own terms, when we think things should be different from how they are.

When we’re dealing with things over which we have no control, obsessive rumination, which includes asking, “Why is this happening?” as well as trying to figure everything out, is futile and creates suffering.

In her book At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights & Practices for Waking Up & Living Free, psychologist and author Dr. Gail Brenner reminds us that “why” questions “prod the mind to analyze, deliberate, and figure out an answer. It takes you into your thoughts and out of the present moment.” The present moment is our point of power. It’s the moment in which we are free to act.

Writers are perhaps more likely than most to live in their imagination. But the narratives we write aren’t as tricky as the ones floating inside our heads, stories we may not even realize we’re telling ourselves.

When you feel like you can’t write; when your work is rejected; when you believe you have to surrender your dreams; when you can’t find a publisher for the book you spent half a decade writing; when you realize that you need an author platform that will take years to build; when you can’t get an agent or you get one who, after time, stops returning your calls; when your books don’t sell; when two people show up to a reading, you may berate yourself with negative self-talk like the statements I listed in Chapter 5, “Universal Doubt.” Remember that if you hear messages like this in your head, you are not alone. Join the club! We all hear them and do not have to embrace these voices, let alone feast on them for dinner every night.

This is good news. We can wake up! We don’t have to create and perpetuate suffering.

Instead of focusing on what you want that you don’t or can’t have, which is painful, ask yourself these questions: Where’s the sacred gift here? What do I have to work with? How can I move forward with what I’ve got? What’s on offer here? What’s available to me at this time? If you believe that your challenging experience has zero to do with your value as a writer and look at the whole path as a journey you’re fortunate to take, you’ll be happier and more successful, but you’ll also be living a more honest and authentic life.

You can choose not to suffer by consciously withdrawing your attention from inner self-sabotaging narratives. Your body is your barometer. If you feel bad, that’s an indication that your thinking is not to be trusted. If you leave those thoughts alone, they will pass.

Be patient. Work compassionately with what’s present. Contrary to how it might appear, you don’t need anything outside you to complete, heal, or legitimize you. You don’t need to fix or improve yourself. You’re not broken. Let growth and healing happen naturally and organically, from the inside out.

I’m not saying that change is never necessary. But check out the energy behind your desires and goals. Is it urgent? Do you feel like if you achieve a particular goal or a certain dream comes true, you’ll become a better, happier, or more complete person? If so, sit with your physical sensations. Don’t push them away, which is a form of resistance. Fighting accelerates internal conflict and creates blockages.

Which would you prefer to be: a panicky falling leaf lamenting your fate, or a free-floating one who trusts the air and wind to carry you wherever you need to go?

JOURNAL: What story or inner narrative do I cling to that creates suffering? Where’s the sacred gift in my current situation or circumstances? How can I move forward with what I’ve got? What’s available to me at this time?

WHERE DO YOU HANG YOUR HAMMOCK?

In Where Do You Hang Your Hammock? seasoned coach and author Bella Mahaya Carter shows writers how to use their present circumstances as stepping-stones to a successful and meaningful writing life, navigated from the inside out. It encourages writers and authors to rethink their ambitions (which may be fueled by the tyrannical demands of the ego) and trust in their heartfelt purpose and values in the journey to becoming, or continuing on, as authors. Many writers believe their self-sabotaging thoughts are trustworthy and true. They take rejection personally.

They surmise that if they don’t achieve their goals they have failed, and lose sight of who they are and what matters most. This book is for writers looking for inspiration and for authors daunted by the publishing process, who might lack the requisite author platform to get published the way they dreamed, or whose careers may not be unfolding as expected. It aims to be the friend and trusted expert writers turn to when hijacked by their own thinking. Ultimately, it reminds authors that they are infinite creators.

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About the Author:

Bella Mahaya Carter is the author of Where Do You Hang Your Hammock?: Finding Peace of Mind While You Write, Publish, and Promote Your Book. She is a creative writing teacher, empowerment coach, and speaker, and author of an award-winning memoir, Raw: My Journey from Anxiety to Joy, and a collection of narrative poems, Secrets of My Sex. She has worked with hundreds of writers since 2008 and has degrees in literature, film, and spiritual psychology. Her poetry, essays, fiction, and interviews have appeared in Mind, Body, Green; The Sun; Lilith; Fearless Soul; Writer’s Bone; Women Writers, Women’s Books; Chic Vegan; Bad Yogi Magazine; Jane Friedman’s Blog; Pick the Brain; Spiritual Media blog; Literary Mama; several anthologies, and elsewhere. For more information, please visit https://www.bellamahayacarter.com

 

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Category: On Writing