On Belonging And Fitting In

THE KITTY COMMITTEE is a story about belonging and the lengths people will go to in order to fit in.

“Ah, there you go,” says a character in the story. “Belonging is one of the most fundamental human drives—even more than procreating. It ranks just below hunger.”

Some might argue that point, but I would confidently defend my position. Ever since people have been roaming the planet, they’ve self-identified with some version of a tribe. For early man, it might more aptly have been described as a clan. Much later, tribes would morph into villages, towns, cities and eventually countries.

The reasons are obvious—people can accomplish so much more as a group than as individuals. We feel safer and more powerful when we’re not alone. As long as survival of the species is paramount, people will turn to others for protection and support.  

Belonging is such a primal drive, such an integral part of our DNA, that we regard with wonder and a certain degree of awe, those who shun it. Henry David Thoreau and John Muir are regarded with near reverence for pursuing a solitary lifestyle. Others, who withdraw from society for nefarious purposes, such as The Unibomber, make us nod knowingly.

Who would voluntarily choose this life? we may wonder.

For those of us who moved about frequently in our youth, belonging takes on an added urgency. We have our families, true—they move with us. But when it comes to fitting in with our peers, who in childhood are our classmates, we’re suddenly vulnerable to strangers who dictate our happiness (or lack of it), our confidence, and many of our life choices.

Growing up on multiple continents, I learned this first-hand. Often, I was ensconced within a cocoon of American expats but there were other times in my life when I had to adapt to a new culture, learn a new language. Needless to say, I quickly learned what it meant to be an outsider—the loneliness of being a member of an ‘other tribe’. Perhaps my most vivid memory of this was when I was forced to sing The Star-Spangled Banner in front of a classroom of French students who half-squirmed, half-delighted in my discomfort.

When I finally returned to the US—my country which didn’t feel like my country—I was once again the outsider.

Are you African? I was asked referencing the last place I lived. Explaining I was an American just like them brought on glazed looks of disinterest.

Looking back, I see my life as the gift that it was. Experiencing different cultures from birth has made me appreciate an entire planet instead of just a country. Traveling now is one of my greatest pleasures. And yet, there’s a tiny hole in my center that was never filled with the security of unquestioned belonging many take for granted if they’re born and raised in the same town.

The desire to belong and the struggle to get there is Grace Templeton’s driving motivation in The Kitty Committee. Having witnessed the humiliation of another and experiencing her own humiliation as a new student, she’s determined to fit in, to belong at all costs. And she feels keenly the advantage of having a strong protector to keep her from the awkward loneliness she experiences as the youngest member of her sophomore class. Although she’s an American, Grace has lived so long abroad she’s ignorant of the social dictates of her new home. Grace needs not only a sense of community, but someone who will guide her along the way. It’s this push and pull that will come to dominate her life going forward.

Although Grace isn’t me, the feelings she experiences as an expat returning home, are feelings completely familiar to me. Like parachuting out of the sky into the middle of a jungle, Grace must cut her chute and learn to navigate her way through the trees.

The desire to belong is generally a strong and positive force for society but in The Kitty Committee I try to show how, when taken to an extreme, that need can lead to dark places where things can go terribly wrong.

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Author bio: Kathryn grew up in India, Syria, Europe, and Africa. Her love for experiencing new cultures runs deep, and she gives into it whenever she can. She has been an avid movie buff since childhood, and often sees the movie in her head before she writes the book.

Kathryn graduated from the University of California in Berkeley with a degree in English. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

http://www.kathrynberlabooks.com/

https://www.facebook.com/kathrynberlabooks/

About THE KITTY COMMITTEE

Every year, it comes. And every year, it reminds Grace that someone knows her deepest secret―the secret whose silence has tormented Grace over the years. That secret began with an innocent gang of teenage friends who called themselves The Kitty Committee.

The Kitty Committee of Grace’s youth was ostensibly a group of friendship and support. But the friends fell victim to the ringleader’s manipulative personality and recklessness, which set the girls on a course of vigilante justice, culminating in an act that will forever change their lives, an act that becomes their shared secret.

Grace’s silence and guilt has led to over twenty years of disappointing relationships, an inability to commit, and a crisis of morality. And no matter how much Grace has suffered and lost, still it comes every year. The reminder that someone out there wants The Kitty Committee to suffer–someone who won’t forget and won’t forgive.

Category: Contemporary Women Writers