The Regret That Changed Everything: Finding My Author Life After 30 Years

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

These words are the No. 1 regret of the dying, as reported by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who provided palliative care for patients in the last 12 years of their lives. 

In 2016, this regret stopped me cold. 

Up until then, I’d been head-down, laser-focused on getting ahead in a corporate contest within the high-octane, male-dominated financial services industry. And I’d achieved success. Nine years earlier I’d been named a general partner and held a role I loved as a senior marketing executive. My daughter and son had (more or less!) launched into adulthood; my husband and I traveled often and overseas; I enjoyed my colleagues and challenging work.

Things were good—or were they?

That statement— courage to live a life true to myself—made me wonder: Is this the life I actually want?

Let me put you on alert: Once that heartfelt question is asked, the universe begins to toss you hints. For me, the most important one was recalling a promise I’d made to myself back in my college years. As an English major I’d told tons of people, “I’ll write a book one day.” But what with the reality and clutter of mortgage payments and kids’ soccer games and moving across the country and wanting to get ahead in my career. . . the years slipped by and I forgot that promise. 

There was simply no room for anything other than dashing from one event to the next in my crowded life.

Until I made the space.

So, after this question came up, and I began to explore and try out ideas, that space became big enough to hold possibility. That possibility grew into a plan and then to a big leap. But not a blind leap for it carried a tailwind of living a life true to myself.

Today I’m on the cusp of publishing my debut novel. I know I made some dumb, cringe-worthy mistakes in getting to this point. But my intuition wasn’t completely clueless. In hindsight I can see three big steps I took to jumpstart a new career to become an author. For both new and experienced authors looking for a refresh, I’m hopeful they’ll be useful to you.

Step One: Try on Writing to See if It Fits. 

Admittedly, these first steps are baby steps. 

Subscribe to Writer Snail Mail. Once the idea about writing a book nestled into my thought, the very first thing I did was to go to a local bookstore and pick up writer magazines. I chose Writer’s Digest and Poets & Writers and the iconic literary magazine, The Sun. Crazy as it sounds the steady monthly cadence of writing-related articles plopping into my mailbox caught my imagination. They felt like a safe way for me to visit a whole new world of authoring and publishing. When I found myself looking forward to the next issues, I knew I was onto something. 

Start a Weekly Newsletter. If I’m going to be a writer, I reasoned, I gotta write. But first, there were tech obstacles. With the help of my graphic designer niece, I got set up on Mailchimp and a bare-bones website. Next, I needed subscribers. So, I went to family and friends and with a pen suspended over a notepad and said, “I need your personal email because I’m going to start a newsletter, and I need to be accountable to write every week.” Bless them—they gave me their addresses. Then—Gulp! —I had to start. Quickly, I found out that actually writing from a personal byline (instead of via my professional title) was much harder than I imagined. I cringed at being so vulnerable. My Sundays were taken over by eight hours of angst as I battled imposter syndrome and doubt, but the discipline and accountability to people I cared about kept me going.

Join a Virtual Creative Group: Musicians, artists but mostly writers comprised a virtual mastermind I read about in one of the writer magazines. I joined it. It felt like I was sitting on the top row of a bleacher, listening in, learning lingo, hanging out with people on a playing field so different from the daily suits I was used to—I was intrigued and felt like maybe I could belong. It was in this group that the glimmer of an idea for my book first suggested itself.

A year later I was ready. The idea of leaving a professional career of thirty years no longer felt like I was crossing the border into a foreign land. I was ready to go from tourist to new resident.

Step Two: What Got You There, Can Get You Here
One of the smartest things I did when starting out was to reflect on what facets of my work life had been instrumental in my professional success. Writing is so much more than “wanting to write.” It involves discipline, workspace, routine, colleagues. Here are some “must haves” I took from my corporate life that I incorporated right at the outset.

Establish a Work Ethic. Even though I chose not to set an alarm, my body clock roused me about 5:00 a.m. and I decided not to change it. From the start, I hit the desk every weekday no later than 7:00 a.m. to write. Establishing that routine was a gamechanger. Today I’m still at it and have the fun of meeting up with other early-bird writers on Zoom.

Work with Someone Smarter. In my corporate life I’d learned to hire people who had stronger skills in areas where I needed development, making the overall team amazing. As a newbie writer, when I learned about a role called a book coach—part-editor, part-cheerleader, part-publishing expert—it felt like the perfect answer to adding a strong player to my “team.” (me and the book). 

Set Up Accountability. Deadlines have always been a big motivator for me. By signing a contract to complete 10 pages/ week with the book coach it forced me to complete chapter after chapter on time. I was (and still am) a slow writer so this “hit the deadline” obsession kept me going. Plus, by receiving immediate feedback on the pages and then correcting them before moving forward, the accountability gave me the means to learn storytelling craft by applying the learning. 

Step Three: Find Your (New) People 

After living in St. Louis for going on thirty years, I have a wide and wonderful network of friends and work colleagues and church members. Yet, none of these people’s circles intersect with authoring. Writing is solo, but I discovered that sharing in the experience doesn’t have to be. In hindsight, finding community with other writers was the critical third rail.

Join a Professional Organization. Thanks to my book coach I discovered the warm and welcoming Women’s Fiction Writers Association (WFWA). It became my go-to entry point for questions. I hung out in their Facebook group, attended Zoom webinars and scoured their website resources. That first year I went to their annual conference. Becoming a member meant putting a stake in the ground. I was among both new and experienced authors and didn’t feel alone. 

Attend Local Literary Events. Claiming this new author identity made me wonder who I’d been missing right in my own city. Armed with curiosity, I showed up for lit magazine talks, open mic author readings, local writing webinars, indie bookseller events and visited each writing group I could find. I discovered genre-specific circles—memoir, sci-fi, thriller—though none for my historical fiction focus. For me, this meant I could still be a good literary citizen but had to keep looking.

Start My Own Group. Still yearning to find other historical fiction authors, one day I decided to post a question on the WFWA’s Facebook page: Are there any historical fiction authors willing to get together? Six people responded. Drawing from the years of Corporate meetings I’d done, I set up a Zoom meeting to facilitate it, and we decided to hold weekly meetings. This handful of friends gradually grew through word-of-mouth to nearly two hundred members. It became a fountain of learning: from research techniques to revision to guest histfic authors to publishing news to battling imposter syndrome. And the friendships! This weekly affinity group is still going strong.  

Looking back over those first few years of trying on authoring for size, making mistakes, starting over feels a bit like I’m paging through a photo album. When I think back to that younger self, I feel like she did a brave thing. And to think that on April 15, 2025, I’ll publish my debut novel, Saving Vincent, A Novel of Jo van Gogh, makes me admire that younger Joan for taking those first steps. 

For regardless of how my book is received, there’s one thing I know for sure: I have no regrets.

—

Joan Fernandez is a novelist who brings to light courageous women’s brilliant deeds in history. She is a former senior marketing executive and general partner of the financial powerhouse Edward Jones. In 2018, she retired from a 30+ year career to be a full-time writer. Since leaving the corporate world, she’s become a member of the Historical Novel Society, the Author’s Guild, and the Women’s Fiction Writers Association (WFWA). In April 2020, she founded a Historical Fiction affinity group within WFWA that grew from a handful of people to nearly two hundred authors. Her short story, “A Parisian Daughter,” was published in the American Writing Award-winning anthology, “Feisty Deeds: Historical Fictions of Daring Women.” Joan’s debut novel, “Saving Vincent” (She Writes Press), was also recognized by the American Writing Awards, winning their 2024 art award.

Joan is a sought-after public speaker, recently presenting “Top 10 Secrets for Forming a Vibrant, Lasting Author Community” at the Historical Novel Society UK Conference in May 2024. She also presented “How to Portray the Past Truthfully without Harm” at the Tenth Anniversary Conference for WFWA in September 2023. 

Additional memberships include the Missouri Writers Guild, Unite Against Book Bans, Right to Read Coalition and PEN America.

Joan calls both St. Louis, Missouri and Sedona, Arizona, home, where she enjoys foodie meals with her Cuban husband and antics with grandkids. Learn more about her life and work at: www.joanfernandezauthor.com

Follow Joan Fernandez on social media:

Facebook: @joanferndzauthor | Instagram: @joanfernandezauthor

SAVING VINCENT

For historical fiction fans of women’s untold true stories, an early twentieth century novel about Jo van Gogh who battled the male-dominated art elite in her fifteen-year crusade to save her genius brother-in-law Vincent from obscurity.

In the tradition of The Paris Bookseller and Her Hidden Genius, the story of a real woman overshadowed in history by the giant talent she saved, Vincent van Gogh.

How did a failed belligerent Dutch painter become one of the greatest artists of our time?

In 1891, timid Jo van Gogh Bonger lives safely in the background of her art dealer husband Theo’s passionate work to sell unknown artists, especially his ill-fated dead brother Vincent. When Theo dies unexpectedly, Jo’s brief happiness is shattered. Her inheritance—hundreds of unsold paintings by Vincent—is worthless. Pressured to move to her parents’ home, Jo defies tradition, opening a boarding house to raise her infant son alone, and choosing to promote Vincent’s art herself. But her ingenuity and persistence draw the powerful opposition of a Parisian art dealer who vows to stop her once and for all, and so sink Vincent into obscurity.

Saving Vincent reveals there was more than one genius in the Van Gogh family.

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Category: How To and Tips