Writing As A Nobody

Absolution, Regina Buttner’s captivating debut, draws back the curtain of a seemingly perfect marriage to reveal the dark and complex dynamic between a manipulative narcissist and a woman desperate to make amends for her past.  The story reveals that when we seek forgiveness, we must also accept it for ourselves.” – Kaira Rouda, USA Today bestselling author of The Favorite Daughter

I was a nobody when I signed the publishing contract for my debut novel last spring.

I’d spent the preceding year researching literary agents and endlessly revising my query letter and synopsis. At times, I was close to tears because it seemed as though every agent was looking for a writer with a platform—a significant web presence, an established audience, or a vast social media following.

I had no platform whatsoever, aside from a lame website I’d attempted to design myself after watching a YouTube tutorial that thoroughly confused me. I had to seek help from an expert: my teenaged son. Together we produced a serviceable website that wasn’t going to win any design awards, but at least I was now discoverable online.

At that time, I had never been on television or the radio, I didn’t blog, and I avoided Facebook because all my old high school friends were much happier and more successful than I was (judging by their exuberant posts). I didn’t have an MFA, and I hadn’t majored in English. I had no experience in public relations or journalism, or anything else even remotely related to writing. My college degree was in nursing, a field that frowns upon creative writing (ya think?) 

Nursing is a fulfilling but somewhat unglamorous profession. Staff nurses don’t become famous for being “high-powered” or “insanely talented” the way lawyers and athletes do. My first job on the med-surg unit at a small local hospital didn’t transform me into a powerhouse or a rock star. I clocked in at 7 a.m. and out at 3 p.m. (yes, on an actual clock—it was the 1990s). I took good care of my patients, carried out doctor’s orders, and then I went home.

It’s been twenty-five years since I became licensed as an RN. During that time, I failed to specialize in any particular branch of nursing due to my decision to take several years off to stay home and raise my two babies. When I eventually returned to the workforce, I took a job as the school nurse at my children’s parochial school so my work schedule would mirror the academic calendar. I was a single parent by that point, and I wanted to spend as much of my free time as possible with my young daughter and son.

School nursing is an admirable career choice and I enjoyed it immensely; however, when my kids went on to high school, I was ready to move on to something new as well. The trouble was, nursing had moved on without me. Technologies, medications, and protocols had changed, and handwritten nurse’s notes had been replaced by electronic medical records, with which I had zero experience.

I was afraid to go back to work in a hospital. (There, I said it!) But luckily, my fear prompted introspection, which led me to a revelation: before I became a nurse I had worked as a CNA in a nursing home. It was hard work, to be sure, and my shifts were often frustrating, messy and exhausting. But over time, I became so fond of my residents that I began referring to them as “my grandmas and grandpas,” since my own dear grandparents had already passed on. I realized how much I missed those wonderfully personal relationships.

So I took a job as a private duty nurse, caring for a handicapped young man in his home. My new patient and his family truly appreciated my compassion and dedication, but the job did little to add to my repertoire of skills. I was still a professional nobody.

Then I enrolled in my first writing class. Like so many others, I’d had a longstanding dream of one day becoming a writer but hadn’t had the time to devote to it until my children were older. That beginner class boosted me into a series of intermediate classes, and the word count on my nascent manuscript began to inch upward. After a year of improving my craft, I was invited to join a critique group, and my fellow writers affirmed something that I was slowly beginning to realize: I really did possess the talent, passion, and discipline required to write a full-length novel.

And so I wrote it. It took me five years. I can’t tell you the total number of drafts because I lost count after the tenth. I continued taking classes and workshops, I attended writing conferences, and I read everything I could find about the publishing process. 

Last spring, I went to yet another conference and signed up for a one-on-one session with a literary agent. She told me she didn’t like my main character and didn’t care what happened to her. I had paid $100 to be given this illuminating piece of news!

I returned home deeply discouraged, but I didn’t let that agent’s criticism stop me from writing because I had faith in my story. I could feel it in my heart—my main character’s emotional journey was sure to resonate with certain readers, and I knew I had the unique ability to tell that story. My instincts were rewarded just two weeks later when my manuscript was finally accepted for publication. ABSOLUTION would be out in the world at last. 

Today I can proudly say that I’m no longer a nobody. I am an author.
—

Regina Buttner is a registered nurse–turned-writer from upstate New York. Absolution is her first novel. Learn more about her at reginabuttner.com.

ABSOLUTON, Regina Buttner

Jeanie thinks she was to blame for the sexual assault she suffered in college—and she’d do anything to keep her old-school Catholic family from finding out about the resulting pregnancy, as well as what she did to conceal it.

Years have passed since the assault, and Jeanie’s husband, Greg, still thinks she’s the seemingly innocent girl he married in a rush to spite his controlling mother. It’s the height of the Seattle dot-com boom, and he’s too busy cashing in his stock options to pay attention to his wife. He isn’t aware of Jeanie’s lingering shame and guilt, or that she married him in the desperate hope that devoting herself to marriage and motherhood would somehow absolve her from the sins in her past.

Their hidden agendas collide when Greg discovers evidence of Jeanie’s long-ago pregnancy. As she confesses the details of that drunken night with her married professor, Greg’s pristine image of her is blown. His shock deepens into violent fury, and Jeanie realizes she needs to leave him—but Greg won’t let her go. He’s up for a big promotion, and he’s not about to let her ruin his reputation by walking out on him. He’ll resort to blackmail if necessary. Or worse.

PRAISE:

“A poignant novel about a woman’s struggle to regain her power. Secrets and hidden agendas begin to unravel the already fraying marriage between a narcissistic husband and an ‘eager to please’ wife. This book will keep you turning the page. In the end, Absolution teaches us survival, resolution, and hope.” –Sondra Helene, author of Appearances ”

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Category: On Writing