Writing By The Seat of my Yoga Pants By Donnaldson Brown

April 4, 2023 | By Women Writers Women Books | Reply More

Writing By The Seat of my Yoga Pants

By Donnaldson Brown

Have you ever been asked, ‘are you a pantser or an outliner?’ Meaning, do you fly by the seat of your pants when you write, or do you know where you’re headed when you start and outline it?

I’m a ‘pantser,’ who thinks I should be an outliner or, maybe more accurately, sometimes wishes I were. I have no idea how the likes of Joyce Carol Oates write a novel, a couple short stories, essays and book reviews each and every year. I often don’t know what I’m (really) writing about until I’m a draft or two in. I stumbled – because, remember, I usually don’t know where I’m going – into writing long fiction, after about ten years writing screenplays. It’s taken many years for me to truly appreciate and trust that giving my characters free rein at the outset is more often than not the way to a story’s heart. And there’ll be time to rewrite. And rewrite again. And again.)

Do I toss out many ‘darlings,’ pages of text that came to be superfluous or misguided? Yes, I do. More than I want to count. Hence, the urge to outline, read a damn map, and figure out where I want everybody to go. Wouldn’t I be more productive that way? Yes, I probably would. But I wouldn’t come to understand nearly as much, I don’t think, about my own heart, about my characters, about humanity.

That rational left brain, though, can be awfully convincing. Afterall, where would humans be without our pre-frontal cortex? (Actually, I’ll leave that for another essay.) My point here is that bringing the oh-so-useful left brain’s cognitive and editing skills in too early, or even sometimes during a rough spot, can leave writing safe, predictable and flat. When I’m most vulnerable to the left brain’s premature siren song is when I’m not sure where to go, where the characters are headed. My thoughts begin to intertwine, grow thick as a bramble patch in August and I feel the anxiety begin to build, bolstered by its friends: doubt and self-flagellation. By god, do something useful here, for Pete’s sake. (That last phrase borrowed from my mother, by the way.) I’m sure most of us have experienced this. Sitting, looking at the jumble of words on the screen, hoping a pattern emerges.

What to do?

Well, I actually have a recipe. First, though, let me say that this doesn’t just quell the symptoms, doubt or confusion. It goes deeper. So, give it (give yourself) a little bit of time. Be patient. It works. Trust me. Here goes: move your body and breathe. That’s pretty much it. Simple.

And not at all simple. Because we’re taming the monkey brain, and disidentifying with the thoughts that block the entrance to where it is that stories really come from, our heart, our desire to connect, to understand, our ability to feel deeply without falling off a cliff or out of our chair. I put on my sweat pants or my yoga pants. I put on some music. If you’re writing memoir, what would you – or the you you’re writing about – like to hear? If you’re writing fiction, maybe think of what your protagonist would like to hear. It could be kirtan, could be Bach, maybe it’s Axel Rose?

Take a breath. Let it go. Take another breath, a little deeper. Let that one go. Take another and notice where you feel the sensation in your body. Keep going like this. Take another breath, and another. Deep and slow. And let the breaths begin to move you. You can do this seated or standing, by the way. You can even just imagine moving your body, because — yes – that actually stimulates neurons in the brain, too. But if you can physically move, do. Stretch an arm up. Feel that movement down your back, past your hip, maybe all the way to your toes. Notice every sensation. Every emotion starts with a sensation in the body. Breathe, move, and notice. Maybe you’ll dance. Maybe you’ll laugh or maybe you’ll cry. Keep breathing. Keep noticing.

We are animals. Our bodies are honest and wise. And we are mammals. We need each other. So, connect with yourself. Sit back down, feel your feet on the floor, your butt on the chair. And write. Because we want to know what it is your heart has to say. We want to connect. Give us the chance.

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DONNALDSON BROWN grew up riding horses on her uncles’ ranch in East Texas and in her hometown in Connecticut. Her debut novel, BECAUSE I LOVED YOU, is due out in April 2023 with She Writes Press. She is a former screenwriter and worked for several years with Robert Redford’s film development company. Her spoken word pieces have been featured in The Deep Listening Institute’s Writers in Performance and Women & Identity Festivals in New York City, and in the Made in the Berkshires Theatre Festival in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. She’s a past fellow of the Community of Writers (formerly Squaw Valley Community of Writers), Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, and Craigardan. A longtime resident of both Brooklyn, New York and western Massachusetts, Ms. Brown is a former attorney. She is a facilitator and trainer with The Equus Effect, offering somatic based experiential learning with horses for veterans, first responders and others struggling with PTSD. Find her online at donnaldsonbrown.com

BECAUSE I LOVED YOU

East Texas, 1972. Sixteen-year-old Leni O’Hare spends her free time drawing and galloping her mare across the chaparral. Horse crazy and rebellious, she fears her dream of becoming an artist will be thwarted by her strict mother, the small-town values of her community, and her family’s meager finances. A desperate bid to save her beloved mare from being sold brings her together with Caleb McGrath, the brainy and gentle scion of the county’s richest rancher, whose dream of becoming a physicist also pushes the bounds of their town and defies his family’s expectations.

When tragedy strikes Leni’s family, and Caleb’s brother returns from Vietnam angry and dangerous, the two grow closer and make a plan to leave and start a life together. Before they can go, though, Leni learns of something she fears will derail Caleb’s hard-earned shot at the future he wants. Choosing to keep what she’s learned secret, she sets them on sudden and separate paths.

New York City, 1986. Leni, now an artist and activist, and Caleb, now engaged and working on Wall Street, meet once again. Their old passion reignites. Can their love for one another overcome the choices made in the past? And when Leni’s secret—one that impacts not only Leni and Caleb but also four generations of Leni’s family—is finally revealed, will it be too late for them?