Is your writing Toxic?
What Happens When Your Life Sneaks Into Your Novel…or, When Your Novel Sneaks Into Your Life?
That old writing maxim—write what you know—can get you into more trouble than you bargained for.
When I started my novel, Mounting the Whale, I had no idea where it would take me. All I knew was that I was frustrated and upset about a situation I knew all too well, and I wanted to get it out of my head.
Members of my family struggle with addiction issues, and after watching them battle these issues again and again unsuccessfully, I got an idea. Family based comedies are a genre all their own, encompassing such masterpieces at Jonathan Franzen’s ‘The Corrections,’ Little Miss Sunshine, The Royal Tennenbaums…the list goes on.
Well—an idea began to form. How could I work through these icky feelings about my family? Worrying, nattering, knit-picking, judging—these things certainly weren’t working.
I started to imagine an alternate universe; an affluent family, a troubled sister, an enabling mother, a disconnected main character— but all the comical absurdity freezes in place when the family receives a ransom note from a Mexican drug cartel.
What happens when an addict—the most skilled of liars and manipulators—is really in trouble? It’s the ultimate version of the “cry wolf” story, with life-or-death consequences.
And that’s how my family became the basis for a fictional story. I refused to share my work until it was nearly done, fearing that they would want me to change something about their characters.
Did they like it? No. Arguments, threats, anger, and a few calls to the lawyer later, they realized they didn’t really have a choice.
What they didn’t understand—and what I hope I’ve been able to impart since then—is that these characters aren’t them anymore. They began as an idea based on my family, and changed into a new family all together. Frankly, I’d choose being a member of my family over being a member of the fictional Pierce family any day.
If you’re considering writing about people you know, or your family, then consider it. But don’t talk yourself out of it. All great fiction has a basis in reality. You have to anchor your writing to real experiences.
But what will set your story apart is what you do with it once it’s left your real-world familiarity. Don’t be too set on sticking to the facts (it’s not an autobiography!)—go with the flow. Make alterations to history. It can be amazingly freeing. See where these new people take you.
But what about the flip side? What happens when what you’re imagining and creating on the page starts to become your reality?
My main character Carlyle has been having strong marital discord with her husband Ethan. They’re distant from each other, and she’s immersed herself in work to avoid dealing with him. He’s moved out and she has no idea how to bring him back to her, or if she even wants to.
It may have been the red wine I frequently drink while writing (write drunk, edit sober, right?) but suddenly I was in the middle of an epic row with my sweet husband. Horrible names flew from our mouths, mud was slung, dishes were (allegedly) broken.
What’s worse? I started it. I can’t remember what reason I gave, what ignited the fire, but here we were screaming at each other in hushed voices, trying not to wake the baby. I think that I was so closely aligned with Carlyle’s energy, her thoughts, that I had to feel them for myself to truly understand where she was coming from.
Of course I couldn’t say, “Honey, will you fight with me so I can have some empathy for my character?” And at the time, the fight felt real. It felt necessary. We’ve made up, and there was no lasting damage, but it was a close call. It’s something I want to keep the door closed on from now on.
He didn’t move out, as my character’s husband did (thank goodness). I’ve since apologized (“I don’t know what came over me!”). Like it or not, it’s an undeniable truth for fiction writers: your book has a strong grip on you.
Your characters are you. Each of them is a piece of you, their reactions are your reactions. Your truths are their truths, to a certain extent. Some of us write to get the darkness out of us, while others write to keep the darkness in.
But either way, if you’re not careful, your story can blow up your life—or your life can blow up your story.
—
Colleen McCarty is a graduate of the University of Tulsa and an entrepreneur. She and her husband own Tulsa restaurant Mod’s Coffee and Crepes. She’s been featured on Entrepreneur.com, and in the Wall Street Journal. Mounting the Whale is her first novel. Though Colleen has ghostwritten books for CEOs and New York Times Bestsellers, this is her first foray into publishing her own work. Colleen lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma with her husband, daughter and two large dogs. Visit her website colleen-mccarty.com or follow her on twitter @Colleen_McCarty
Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing
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My ex-husband treated me so badly that I started to imagine how I would treat women if I was a man. Thus was born my favorite and most complicated character. My ex hated my subject matter (vampires, but only after I started writing about them) and the fact that I might get published and leave him. He hated that I wrote while he played video games instead of watching him play video games. He couldn’t understand that if I got published, I wanted to supplement the family income. We got divorced. I’m not sorry. Writing about good and bad relationships woke me up and made me realize that my ex and I had grown apart drastically. This is not my real name, by the way, it’s my pen name.
Wow. I never imagined that could happen, but of course it makes perfect sense. I’m so glad that you shared this experience. Such power in the pen, but it doesn’t come from the pen.
I love this! So true, so true. Always steeped in some reality, but evolves somehow. There is a definitive tension with those around me when I spend time with my characters. I sometimes get their moxie and find myself saying stuff that I wouldn’t otherwise say, or empathizing so greatly with them, that I don’t unleash what I really want to say. This business of novel writing can be intense; it is far more difficult to maintain the integrity of the two worlds – the one you’re writing and the one you’re living – while writing. You wrote rather aptly about this.
Thank you!
Colleen,
I too enjoyed your post. All of my stories at least start with a real life situation that I have observed, usually from afar. My best stories grow from situations that I’ve only heard the begining of like how a couple met or how strange a friend’s friend acted. It’s like that game we so often see in movies–people look at strangers and make up stories about them.
You are so right about centering a story or scene on family members. I did that once and oh, my! None of them ever got that my fictional account wasn’t a true (horrible) story about them. Ouch!
Great post, Colleen! And congrats on your book launch. It’s today, right? Brava!
I never thought that my first novel was based on my family. Well… one of my brothers is a named minor character, but other than that… 🙂 However, some of my readers tell me that my female protagonist is me, which surprises me because I think we share very little. And the people (other than the character who has my brother’s actual name) who inspired other characters never see themselves.
All that to say that I suspect that it isn’t always obvious to the writer when a character or story reflects a reality that others recognize.
But I suspect it’s hard to escape life from intruding into the story and vice versa. 🙂
Interesting and very provocative post, Colleen. I, too, had a similar experience with intentionally writing a novel fictionalizing people I know. It was only when I let go of the “reality” that the characters began to come to life; they ended up being more “inspired by” than “based on.” Still, I worry that when those people read my book, it’ll get me in trouble. “Is this how you really see me?” “Why did you have me do that?” and so on.
On the other hand, I have not had the reverse experience you describe – or at least, I’m not aware of having done so. But now I wonder – is the fiction creeping into my reality in surreptitious ways? Do I change my behavior towards actual people because of the characters I’ve created that resemble them? That’s something I’ll have to watch for – or maybe write a story about. 😉
Thank you so much for your comments, ladies! I loved writing this piece. People talk a lot about writing about your family/friends and upsetting people, but don’t talk about the other side of things!
I hope you’ll consider buying the book, it’s live today at http://amzn.com/0615876013!
Hi Colleen, great post. I read somewhere that all first novels are in some way biographical. I always poo-poed the idea. It can’t be true of everyone. But I have to say a lot of ‘family’ did creep into mine. The final result is not a photo fit of my family, not by a long shot, but they did influence certain characters and scenes. So did other aspects of my life. Luckily I can’t be sued (haha) because like you mine is a work of fiction. There’s also a good chance that, no-one in your family will read it – I hear that happens a lot! Good luck with the book.
Hi, Colleen, enjoyed your post. I’ve also puzzled about how much a writer can reasonably borrow from real life (and written about it on my blog).
I’m very interested in your idea of the writing feeding into real life — the unconscious creating the situation you need to write about — as I’ve had that experience too, and fortunately not yet fallen out with my husband!