Writing with Children: A Day in the Life of a Writer Mom
Clare Kirkpatrick at work writing
I’ve been asked a few times how I manage to be a writer.
I am a home-educating mother of four children, between two-and-a-half and eight years old.
Oh yes, and a breastfeeding counsellor as well.
Before I get started on explaining how I do it, I need to say that it is not because I am super-mum. I am really quite a long way from ever being able to call myself a super-mum.
Ok? Good. Glad we’ve got that cleared up!
Whether your children aren’t at school yet, or because, like me, you’ve foolishly decided to home-educate, it can be a real struggle to find the time to write. So I thought it might help if I explained how my writing day works.
A day in the life of a slightly unhinged writer/mother/home-educator, if you will, with some tips thrown in for good measure.
My husband and I get up at about 6 am. He gets up at this crazy hour because he is wonderful, and likes to tidy and clean the kitchen each morning, as well as iron his shirt and make his lunch. (Tip #1: Train your partner.)
He leaves at 7.30. I get up at the crazy hour of 6am so that I can write. (Tip #2: Wake early.)
The full picture, Mum writing with the girls playing.
I bring my laptop downstairs and enjoy an hour or so of quiet writing, while my husband potters around making me cups of tea and plates of hot buttered toast. (Tip #3: See tip #1) Sounds like bliss, doesn’t it? It doesn’t last long, though!
Soon enough, sometimes even before my husband’s left for work, I hear the sound of a small child’s bottom bumping down the stairs, one at a time, and my 2 year old joins me on the sofa. I turn on Cbeebies for her, hoping to get a little more writing done before I have to stop and be Mum properly. (Tip #4: Get free-view or cable.)
Eventually we’re joined by the other three, at which point they’re allowed to watch one more programme and then the computer and the television go off and we eat breakfast together. (Tip #5: Eating together means some really good quality – except for when they’re bickering- time together, and a chance to make plans for the next few hours.)
After that the children often disappear. They get engrossed in long, involved make-believe games, or curl up somewhere to read, or go and play on their bikes, or any number of other things. And that’s when my laptop goes back on and I manage to get lots of writing done in fits and starts. It’s difficult being constantly interrupted, but really I am primarily on Mum-duty, so that’s fine. I can edit things at a later date if necessary. (Tip #6: Get used to writing in short bursts.)
Writing and relating to her daughters.
I also spend this time reading blogs about writing or parenting, and learning about my craft and how to further my freelance writing career.
Sometimes we go out to see friends, or visit a museum, and sometimes the children just want me to do far more with them, and I get no writing done at all in the day, but I tell myself that every little bit I do is a few more words than I expected. (Tip #7: Lower your expectations.)
And then my husband comes home! Woohoo!
But it’s late. Usually around 7 pm. I’m tired, he’s tired, and the children are tired. We all eat together, and then I take my laptop upstairs to our tiny bedroom, where I have a chair and a tiny laptop table, and I get to concentrate again for an hour or so before I’m need to be going to bed. Meanwhile he gets the children to bed which takes, ooh, about an hour or so. (Tip #8: Train your children so that they know that when you’re behind your bedroom/study/shed door, Daddy’s in charge.)
And at last we get to see each other! Oh, hang on, no we don’t. I need to go to bed at 9pm, and the children aren’t asleep until 9pm. Right. Forgot to fit my husband into the ‘things I need to make time for today’ list!
Which leads me to Tip #9: Schedule time for yourself and time to share with your partner on his/her days off. This is really important. I can’t write without the support of my husband, and he can’t keep on supporting me without a break, and without ever seeing me himself. And, you know, I do kind of like spending time with him too. And my breastfeeding counselling work doesn’t take up a lot of my time – I facilitate between one and four evening sessions a month.
So you see it can be done, with a little bit of creative thinking. I won’t deny that I feel tired, and flustered from time-to-time. Oh, ok then – nearly all the time. But it’s worth it. Being creative is, I have learned, so important to being happy and balanced and children need happy, balanced mothers.
And there’s another advantage to showing your children that writing is important to you: that they start to feel writing is important to them too, and reading and that, in my opinion, is one of the most incredible gifts we can give our children.
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Category: Contemporary Women Writers
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For me, it’s not so hard finding the time to write (evenings and weekends, as I’m just not an early bird) but I do miss time to think. I seem to have loads of half-finished blogs and stories, which I’ve abandoned because I haven’t had a chance to think them through to completion. I think with a ‘normal’ job, there are spaces in the day to think – on the bus to work, in the lunch hour, even on the loo!
How sweet that your husband tidies the kitchen and brings you toast! As you point out, a supportive spouse is definitely key for juggling motherhood/homeschooling and writing.
I’m impressed. I’m a writer and homeschooling mother to one child. When she was little, I made her my priority over writing. I felt she needed me more than I needed to write. Now she is older, I have loads of extended time to write while she does her own thing. I have learned though to not immerse myself too deeply in my written worlds – to always be available for Important Interruptions (like, can we walk the dog, watch this tv show together, just chat.) I can’t imagine what that would be like with FOUR. I am amazed that you can achieve anything! I’d be interested to know what your housework schedule looks like 😉
You’re so lucky to have a husband who can help you out. Mine leaves for work at 4.30 in the morning and often doesn’t get in until after the kids are already in bed. On the positive side, my kids go to bed early, usually around 7/7.30, so I get some writing time of an evening. The flipside is they also get up early, around 6/6.30 and I just can’t bring myself to get up earlier than that to write.
I wholeheartedly agree with your tip on getting used to writing in short bursts–it’s the only way to get writing done when you have kids at home. Kids’ shows in the morning before breakfast are another way I fit in some writing time, too.
It’s a juggling act, but it can be done.
You reckon you’re not a supermum – well if you’re not, Clare, you’re about as close as anyone can get. It is hard to juggle isn’t it? I have two children, both at school, and still find there aren’t enough hours in the day to do as much writing as I’d like. Hats off to you, you’re an amazing example of what hard work and dedication can do.
Smile:) I write and homeschool too, and yes, it’s possible. A juggling act, but we get there.
I love having my children at home, I can’t imagine doing otherwise.
So interesting what you said, both my children 6 and 11 love writing, and reading.
My eldest might even get published later this year.
Hope you get to carve a bit of ‘me’ time.
Elle
What an excellent post! You sound so amazingly organised. Like Nettie, I have no idea how you manage it. After 5 years of having the children home with me full time, the relief these days when they are at school and I can at least have small quantity of ‘no interruptions and not completely knackered’ time is immense.
I so agree with your last sentence. “And there’s another advantage to showing your children that writing is important to you: that they start to feel writing is important to them too, and reading and that, in my opinion, is one of the most incredible gifts we can give our children.”
Hear hear!
PS I love the pictures of you and your children.
Great post, Clare. I have no idea how you manage it but I take my hat off to you. I have problems managing the poodles, never mind 4 young children! Well done.