The Unlikely Gift Of Breast Cancer

Four years ago, I was preparing to turn 50, anxious but confidently optimistic I would turn the page to life’s next chapter and finally slow down. Relax. Stop whining and gradually embrace middle age.

Then, I abruptly got “the call.”

My primary care doctor’s nurse told me I had late Stage III breast cancer. For the next 10 seconds, my world exploded into shards, like fine china plates being tossed off a rocky cliff.

Despite annual mammograms since age 40, the three petite cancer tumors in my left breast had successfully eluded the radiologists who had reviewed my images for several years. That is, until the largest breast tumor—only 2 cm—was finally visible on mammography through all that dense breast tissue.

***

In the days after my diagnosis, before I learned the cancer had not spread beyond the lymph nodes in my left armpit, I contemplated my mortality, existing in a prayer-like state and speed-reading books about breast cancer.

As it turns out, mine was a non-aggressive grade of cancer that was behaving aggressively, so I was prescribed what I called “the nuclear bomb treatment”—as much chemotherapy and radiation as my body could tolerate and still remain functional.

A few weeks before chemo started, I sat down at my computer and poured out my feelings. My journal soon became a safe place, a refuge from doctors, needles, and anxiety.

For the next 10 months, I slogged through chemo, then lumpectomy surgery, and finally radiation treatment. At the time, cold cap therapy, where the scalp is cooled to help prevent hair loss from certain chemo drugs, was so new in the United States that I didn’t feel comfortable with all the unknowns. So, I chose to lose my hair and go bald for five months, then lost a lot of weight and gained it all back quickly, thanks to steroids.

To make matters worse, between chemo and surgery I turned 50 and was chemically launched into menopause. In the midst of hot flash hell and steroid-induced water weight gain that made me feel like a marshmallow, I experienced astonishingly rewarding moments of self-actualization. Along the way, I sent out email updates to family and friends, sharing specific details of what treatment felt, tasted, and smelled like, and how I was experiencing a renaissance of self-discovery and self-acceptance.

The reactions to my email messages were so positive that friends encouraged me to publish my journal when treatment was completed. Since my college degree was in print journalism, I had only been taught how to report a story. So, after finishing treatment I worked with a writing coach who taught me how to tell a story and helped me transform my journal into a memoir, a book about transformation and self-discovery.

Near the end of chemo, I became so concerned about the lack of individualized mental health counseling available to cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers that I founded a specialty at the University of Denver’s Graduate School of Professional Psychology called the Center for Psychology Oncology Excellence, or COPE. COPE is the first specialty in the United States to offer such a comprehensive training opportunity to future licensed psychologists while they are still in graduate school, and is becoming a model for other colleges and universities across the country.

Two months after treatment ended, I started writing the manuscript for The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer. The process was cathartic, and likely a key part of my initial healing from the physical and psychological effects of such a traumatic experience as breast cancer. My writing coach reviewed my work and provided feedback during a weekly hour-long phone call. Even though I had a full-time job and was on the board of directors of an aerospace company I had invested in, I set aside 30 to 60 minutes every morning to write before I left home for the office. Most mornings I had to force myself to leave my computer and go to work, often crying while I drove because the process of reliving my year with cancer was so powerful. One morning, while I was writing about my first chemo treatment, I ran to the bathroom and had dry heaves.

Two years and 13 manuscript revisions later, The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer became a reality. My story is intentionally raw and indisputably authentic. It is not a “do this, don’t do that” diatribe of how to get through breast cancer. It is a story of how the events of my childhood molded me into the person I am today, and how everything from hard rock to new age music, World War II movies, Bible scripture, and an impromptu car race on my way back to the office after a business lunch inspired me to keep moving forward during treatment.

In the end, the bully called breast cancer helped me discover my true self. I had been searching for a change agent, a reason to wake up and finally be at peace by accepting my self-prescribed faults as differences meant to be celebrated. And to finally understand that beauty doesn’t necessarily result from being model-thin or having millions of followers.

True beauty comes from within. From a sacred place where traumatic experiences open doors to undiscovered strength, inconceivable courage, and infinite love.

—

Diane M. Simard
Author | COPE Founder | Speaker | Angel Investor

Sr. Vice President & Board Member, Bye Aerospace

Recognized as one of the 100 inaugural “National Women in Business to Watch” by BizWomen.com, Diane M. Simard is a 5-star rated book author, an angel investor in emerging technology companies, and is the founder of the Center for Oncology Psychology Excellence (COPE) at the University of Denver. She also serves as Sr. Vice President of Investor and Media Relations and is a shareholder and board member of Bye Aerospace in Denver, the developer of the eFlyer family of electric aircraft.

After completing treatment for advanced Stage III breast cancer in 2015, Diane founded COPE, the first specialty in the country to train graduate-level clinical psychology students how to work with cancer patients, survivors and caregivers. During treatment, she kept a journal of her experience, which she published as a memoir, The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer, earlier this year.

Diane is featured and is on the cover of the spring 2019 issue of Breast Cancer Wellness magazine for her advocacy work to bring more attention to the psychological impact of cancer. Her career experience includes service on several corporate boards, plus she serves as a business mentor through private engagements. Diane has been a keynote speaker at numerous business leadership events and posts a monthly blog on her website, DianeMSimard.com.

THE UNLIKELY GIFT OF BREAST CANCER, Diane M. Simard

The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer is a memoir about waking up in mid-life and learning to lead with your heart instead of your head. Diane M. Simard—a journalist, angel investor, and aerospace executive who was raised in a small Nebraska town—weaves an engaging account of her experience with Stage III breast cancer that is raw, unapologetic, and humorous. Her sobering—yet uplifting—account describes in explicit detail the emotions, fatigue, nausea, sights, and smells of her treatment protocol. couched by the oscillating swirl of emotions that forced her to slow down and take stock of the first 50 years of her life.

Featuring poignant thoughts about Diane’s emotional reactions as she ponders the possibility of dying, followed by her inspirational search for strength and meaning, readers will be enthralled by her candor and vulnerability, particularly as she reflects on the events in her life that influenced her and ponders who she wants to be after treatment finally ends. She captures the range of reactions from others witnessing her treatment protocol, ranging from destructive social responses from complete strangers to loving, positive reinforcement from her closest supporters. She demonstrates a unique willingness to talk about the ugliness of cancer treatment and the life-changing realizations about her true self. Her story about post-traumatic growth and benefit-finding is an important tool for healing from the traumatic events of our lives.

This authentic, informative story is aimed to inspire women in business, successful leaders, and driven individuals who think they know who they are before a diagnosis of cancer leads them to discover their true selves.

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing