Brittney Morris Interviews Alex Rufus

April 6, 2021 | By Women Writers Women Books | Reply More

“Morris succeeds in blending moments of ‘Black boy joy,’ superhuman abilities, intergenerational trauma, mental health (including a description of self-harm), and loss into a resonant story of fraternal love that first compels, then devastates, and will be remembered for a long time.” —Publishers Weekly, starred

About THE COST OF KNOWING

Dear Martin meets They Both Die at the End in this gripping, evocative novel about a Black teen who has the power to see into the future, whose life turns upside down when he foresees his younger brother’s imminent death, from the acclaimed author of SLAY.

Sixteen-year-old Alex Rufus is trying his best. He tries to be the best employee he can be at the local ice cream shop; the best boyfriend he can be to his amazing girlfriend, Talia; the best protector he can be over his little brother, Isaiah. But as much as Alex tries, he often comes up short.

It’s hard to for him to be present when every time he touches an object or person, Alex sees into its future. When he touches a scoop, he has a vision of him using it to scoop ice cream. When he touches his car, he sees it years from now, totaled and underwater. When he touches Talia, he sees them at the precipice of breaking up, and that terrifies him. Alex feels these visions are a curse, distracting him, making him anxious and unable to live an ordinary life.

And when Alex touches a photo that gives him a vision of his brother’s imminent death, everything changes.

With Alex now in a race against time, death, and circumstances, he and Isaiah must grapple with their past, their future, and what it means to be a young Black man in America in the present.

BRITTNEY MORRIS INTERVIEWS ALEX RUFUS

Me: I’m here today to interview Alex Rufus of the book The Cost of Knowing. Hi, Alex. Nice to meet you.

Alex: Nice to meet you too, Brittney.

Me: In The Cost of Knowing, your relationship with your brother plays a central role, specifically the sudden need to repair the rift between you. Why do you think this rift developed, and if you could do it over again, how would you have prevented it?

Alex: Once I found out Isaiah was going to die soon, I suddenly realized how distant I’d let us get after our parents died. We used to do things as a family—go to Bulls games, go for walks, visit family, go to the pool, you know. But when we moved in with Aunt Mackie…things were different. Don’t get me wrong, Aunt Mackie is cool—she loves us and takes care of us, but she’s gone a lot. Working. Isaiah taught me that there’s no point in wishing you could relive the past. So, I think if I could do it over again, I don’t know if I would.

Me: Astute answer. Let’s talk about your powers. How has being able to see the future changed you?

Alex: Well, it didn’t help my anxiety, that’s for sure. It’s hard enough worrying about the future without seeing what will actually happen, and having the illusion that you can change it. But, I kinda felt like I was being told the future all the time before my visions started happening.

Me: Really? How?

Alex: Every time I turned on the news, there was another case about what happens to us when we exist too close to the cops or white people with a propensity to call the cops. How am I supposed to stay present when my mind is constantly bombarded with that kind of ominous mess? The visions only make it worse. Same with Isaiah. When he first told me he could see into the past, I thought it sounded cool. Like, who wouldn’t want to look back in time and see where they came from, and meet their ancestors, and see where they lived and what they liked to do and what they ate—?

Me: I see how that would be fun!

Alex: You’d think so. But it’s torture for Isaiah. His visions are triggered every time he’s near someone with regrets, and then he sees into the past—what might have happened if they’d just x, y, or z. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Me: Oh nevermind—that sounds awful.

Alex: *nods*

Me: Tell me more about your Aunt Mackie. She’s one of my favorite people in your story. There’s a moment in The Cost of Knowing in which she and you sit in the kitchen over glasses of champagne, and she congratulates you on ‘becoming a man.’ How did that feel?

Alex: At first, I felt great, like, she was saying I was responsible and grown up. But, it’s also a lot, you know? I’m only sixteen. Sometimes I feel like a man, and sometimes I still feel like a kid. Sometimes I feel like I have the responsibility of an adult—like how I’m expected to hold down a job and take care of Isaiah when Aunt Mackie’s at work. But sometimes I feel like it’s all too much for me. I don’t know…

Me: That’s fair. Do you feel like the world expects more from you at a younger age?

Alex: I do. I feel like the world expects more from Black people in general, but especially Black men. I feel like I have to be twice as good as people around me to get the same respect.

Me: Do you feel like you have the support you need around you so you can take care of yourself?

Alex: I have Galen, my barber. He’s not a therapist, but when I’m in his chair, I feel like I can tell him anything. So I guess, in a way, he’s an uncertified therapist. Before my parents died, I used to go to him and talk to him the whole time I was there—told him how I was feeling about Talia and school and everything.

Me: I’m glad you’ve found someone to share your feelings with! What advice do you have for other Black boys who might be going through the same feelings of anxiety about the future or regrets about the past?

Alex: I’d say: don’t give up. And find somebody you can talk to. And don’t be afraid to talk to them. Life can be pretty scary, especially when you’re melanated, but you should always feel empowered to get the help you need from people who can trust to support you. No one should have to go through life alone.

Me: Thank you so much for your time, Alex. I hope you feel empowered to seek support when you need it.

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Brittney Morris is the author of SLAY and The Cost of Knowing. She is also the founder and former president of the Boston University Creative Writing Club. She holds a BA in economics. You can find her online at AuthorBrittneyMorris.com and on Twitter or Instagram @BrittneyMMorris.