Celebrating Grandparents, Old and New 

By Meera Ekkanath Klein  

“Being a mother is the most important job in the world, but being a grandmother is the most fun!” (Anonymous)

I have many fond memories of my granny, Muthi, as she was called. She was a born storyteller and accomplished raconteur. She took my sister and me everywhere, including the local tea stall, for forbidden bites of deep-fried lentil cakes and sips of milky sweet tea.

I spent the first ten years of my life with my extended family. Three generations of men and women lived together in a quaint bungalow in the middle of a pear and plum orchard. The house, which had the grand name Girija, meaning Daughter of the Mountains, was nestled among the Blue Mountains or Nilgiris region of South India.

I enjoyed the attention lavished by my father, grandmother, uncle, and aunt. My uncle and aunt loved to walk, and I accompanied them on long treks through hillsides dotted with eucalyptus trees. As a reward, they would buy me a small Cadbury chocolate bar from the local store. The walk back to our house was sweet as I munched on the candy bar.

Thinking back to those days, I wonder how my mother coped with all the elders and their suggestions. Did she get tired of constantly receiving advice on child-rearing? That may be why she enrolled in a local college to obtain her teaching credential as soon as my sister was born. For nearly two years, she was an absentee parent, and we were cared for by my granny and other household members. 

As a fairly new Muthi I turned to my father-in-law, Walter, and several grandma friends for advice and suggestions.

Walter is very practical and pragmatic. He gave only one piece of advice: bite your tongue.

I had expected something more erudite but didn’t question his suggestion. After all, he was the father of four children, grandfather of five grandkids, and great-grandfather of three. The sight of my new grandson brought up bittersweet sentiments and overwhelming love. Looking at the adorable sleeping angel, I wondered about my father-in-law’s counsel. Why would I have to bite my tongue?

Then, my son came into the room and suggested I needed to support the baby’s fragile neck at all times. Bite, my tongue was starting to make sense now. A few months later, I watched my grandson struggle to eat breakfast. I thought I would help him by scooping a spoonful of mashed bananas into his mouth. My son was quickly at my side to tell me the baby could feed himself. We believe in baby-led weaning, he added. Okay, now I did bite my tongue. Hard.

I remember Walter saying that sometimes you must keep on biting your tongue. It was one of the best pieces of grandparenting advice I ever received. My father-in-law was a more profound man than I thought.

My grandma friends who had years of experience added their own advice. Here are a few I found particularly helpful: 

1. THESE ARE NOT YOUR KIDS

Respect boundaries and be mindful of your adult children’s need for privacy and space.

Lee Anne D’Amato, 62, a grandmother of eight, says, “I never give unsolicited advice. And even when they ask for advice, I’m careful not to say too much. This is the hardest thing, but remember, these are not your kids.”

Chris Casey, 77, and grandmother of five, says, “Unfortunately, I tend to express my thoughts and ideas quite freely. So, yes, I give unsolicited suggestions to my daughters regarding child rearing and beyond. Luckily, they’re quite adept at ignoring said advice and continue to be the best moms I know.”

2. BOND WITH YOUR GRANDCHILDREN

Create a relationship with your grandchild. It will take time and patience, but it will be worth it.

Paula Horn, 71, is a grandmother of three boys. She said she started developing a relationship with her grandson from the first moment she met him.

“Start by telling them you love them every time you see them. You need to develop a bond with them so that they are comfortable sharing information with you. I have a wonderful bond with my grandsons, but it didn’t happen overnight.”

Casey adds, “…because of time spent with each child throughout their life, I now enjoy such a great relationship with the most amazing five human beings.”

3. CREATE SPECIAL TRADITIONS

Establishing notable traditions with your grandchildren will create lifelong memories. There is so much you can do together.

“Do fun things like cooking or reading with them. Be a good listener when they talk to you about their dreams and hopes. Take trips together. Go on walks. Watch movies and plays together. Find time to go watch them play sports,” Billie Mahoni advises. The 81-year-old active grandmother of six adds that finding time to spend with each grandchild is essential.

4. MAKE YOUR HEALTH A PRIORITY 

The best way to be an energetic grandma is to be healthy, physically and mentally. Be a role model to your grandchildren. Roxie Weaver, 76, a grandma of four, attends a local gym nearly every day. She says, “Being a grandma is one of the most rewarding times in your life. So, stay healthy, eat right, and exercise. You want to be around to see how they all turn out.”

5. USE TECHNOLOGY TO STAY CONNECTED

Not everyone can live in an extended family. Don’t let distance deter you from staying connected. Use technology to your advantage. That’s what D’Amato does.

“I live in Florida, and we have family up North,” she says. I use FaceTime, Facebook, and my smartphone to stay connected. Without technology, I don’t know how the grandkids would get to know us.”

6. ONE LAST BIT OF WISDOM

Enjoy every moment you spend with your grandchild. Time is fleeting, and children grow up way too soon.

“Simply enjoy, play, and love your grandchildren. Enjoy the fact you don’t have to discipline or enforce rules. You get to play, love, and relax with them,” says Tina Guild, 63, and grandma of two.

Casey adds, “Being a grandmother (or grandfather, I’m sure) is the ultimate high. No one can explain the feeling; you must experience it for yourself. If you allow yourself to be in the moment with your grandchild, they will take you to worlds you’ve never visited.” 

As I navigate this exciting phase of my life, I will try to enjoy every moment and spoil my grandson as much as possible. And yes, I will leave the parenting to my son and his wife. Even if it means biting my tongue. 

—

MEERA EKKANTH KLEIN is an award-winning author of three novels who plans to spoil her grandson while biting her tongue. Her latest book, Sunshine Clinic: A Novel With Recipes, is now available on Amazon. Check out her Substack column on personal health journey

 https://writermeera.substack.com/

Sunshine Clinic: A Novel With Recipes

Sunshine Clinic is a stand-alone conclusion to the heart-warming family saga that began with My Mother’s Kitchen and Seeing Ceremony.

Sunny Unnikrishnan grew up in Mahagiri under the long shadow of her older sister Meena and her strong-willed mother (Little Mother). Now, she is ready to become her own person. The newly qualified doctor finds a job as a village doctor, and she will have to overcome age-old practices and superstitions to win over the villagers.

Each day is a new adventure for Dr. Sunny, who finds support and friendship in unexpected places. The nuns at the regional Carmelite mission and a woman reputed to be a witch befriend the young doctor. Dr. Sunny’s life becomes complicated when she meets handsome Scotsman Callum MacPherson. Their tentative courtship is threatened when Callum’s ex-girlfriend, Ella, comes for a surprise visit. Callum will need the help of the entire community to win back Sunny.

“In Sunshine Clinic, we are inspired by the universality of experience in Meera Klein’s writing, as aromas of food and exotic landscapes nurture those who inhabit the world of Mahagiri, a fertile place of hope and renewal, the very qualities that define this wondrous book.”-James Ragan author of The Hunger Wall and Too Long a Solitude.

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Category: On Writing