Coping with Pain through Writing
February Grace
My earliest childhood memories are of being in pain. I have lived with chronic pain all of my life.
No one really understood why it was so bad until a few years ago, when the genetics department at a major university took me on as a patient and determined that I have an unspecified, diffuse connective tissue disorder: one which displays characteristics of a couple of different, specifically named syndromes.
Getting the diagnosis was vindicating, because it explained why I had been so different all my life, why my joints and spine were damaged, malformed, and ached so. Why I had to have the lenses in my eyes removed (and they could not be replaced) in my thirties, leaving me visually impaired.
I’m also a stroke survivor, and additionally made it through a massive health setback in 2010 that involved 21 days without solid food, nine surgeries, and thirty-three days of IV antibiotics, all spread out over a seemingly endless period of seven months. Recovery from it all took much longer.
All told, between 2009 and 2011 I had fifteen surgeries.
How on earth does one begin to cope with that?
By writing stories.
Even when I couldn’t see to physically type or write them down, I would dictate notes into my iPod. When my eyes healed a little after one of the surgeries but I still couldn’t read, I took big Sharpies and wrote on sticky notes and stuck them in a huge binder, returning to them later. To my surprise, even with all the pain medication I was taking at the time, all the notes were useful and went toward completing my first published novel, GODSPEED.
I typed a great deal of the first draft of GODSPEED with my eyes closed, while propped up on pillows because I was too weak to hold up my head.
I was also a member of a small group that wrote serialized fiction at the time, and worked on a lot of storylines for those beloved characters in my head while I was sick, suffering, recovering, and healing to the greatest degree possible.
Writing is my safe place to go.
I don’t know what I would do without it.
Whether it’s writing poetry, flash fiction, or working on a longer project like a novel, writing gives me a place to hide for a little while. It provides the ultimate distraction, in a life filled with pain best not dwelt upon.
A friend once told me that to him, I represented a ‘strong soul trapped in a weak body’ and that he knew the writing gave me wings. He worried what would happen to me if I ever stopped doing it. There were times I did consider giving it up.
Writing has been better therapy for me than I can convey.
It has also given me unique insight into writing characters suffering a variety of maladies. It has inspired me to try to represent characters with physical challenges in a realistic and engaging way— a way that I hope will make readers think twice about those around them in the real world— and perhaps look at the disabled in a different light.
Maybe they will stop, notice, and greet a person who uses a wheelchair for mobility. Maybe they will have a new appreciation for their own sight, as they watch a blind individual navigating with a cane or a guide dog.
Writing not only provides a place of comfort and respite for me, but I hope that my writing provides something of benefit to others, too. Whether I’m writing fiction or writing a blog post to try to help people understand what it’s like to live with Bipolar Disorder (which I do) my hope is to cultivate a sense of peace in myself, and a feeling of understanding among those I meet in my literary travels.
If one person is helped to better understand another in this at times unfeeling world, then my trials and tribulations have not been in vain.
I urge any writer struggling with health problems: keep fighting the physical trials that hold your body back, by allowing your mind, through your writing, to be free of them, even if only for a little while. With words, we can soar beyond the confines of the bodies which house our hearts and souls.
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February Grace is a writer, artist, and poet who lives in Southeastern Michigan. She sings on key, plays by ear, and is more than mildly obsessed with colors, clocks, and meteor showers. GODSPEED, her debut novel, was published by Booktrope in June of 2013. Her second novel, OF STARDUST, will be released before the end of the year. Find her at www.februarywriter.blogspot.
Category: About Women Writers, Women, Books, On Publishing, On Writing
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Dear Jerri Lee
I’m really interested in your piece. There is also the mental pain from which we writers may suffer, such as loss. Personally, I have grieved hugely over not having children – and, to a lesser extent, from being single.
Like you, I agree that writing is therapy; but as a childless woman, I also see it as an alternative to ‘birthing’, if you like – of giving life and wholeness to something outside myself.
I wonder if this resonates at all with you?
I received notification of a comment that isn’t showing here now but was too important not to respond to in case it shows up later: Becca, I will get in touch with you via email. There is a lot of support to be found out there, Twitter is a good place to start. i will send you a note.
Warm Regards,
bru
THIS.
I suffer from several chronic pain syndromes – fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, myofascial syndrome, degenerative disc disease, degenerative joint disease, migraines – and I am also a writer. It has always made me feel free. Sometimes I can’t concentrate to write, which really bugs me, because writing is the one thing (besides reading) that can transport me to a place where everything makes sense. I am actually writing my first novel now which is about a woman who gets diagnosed with fibro and her whole world has to change.
I hope this is not too forward, I would love to chat with you sometime about writing and being sick and moving forward with life. I don’t know too many people who are finding good coping methods and i think it would be good for me to know people who’ve found them. My e-mail is becca7931 at yahoo or you can find me by my website above. 🙂
Becca T.
It is so amazing to see that there are so many people going through the same struggles. I really enjoyed your post. I’m also living with a chronic illness, Lupus. Writing is a great way to relieve your mind. Since I’ve been doing it, I’ve felt so much better.
Thanks for sharing your story of inspiration! Have a lovely and blessed day!
Hello Shemeka!
Thank you very much for commenting.
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles with Lupus. From talking with others who share your battle I know it is quite a difficult fight. I am so glad to know that writing brings you comfort.
You inspire me with your strength, and I hope that you will have many wonderful days of writing in which you can forget about some of the pain for awhile. Thank you again for your kind words.
Big hugs,
~bru
Jan,
What an amazing woman you are. I completely agree that writing can be a life saver in working through not only physical pain, but emotional and psychological pain. It can be healing in a way that nothing else can. I hope that you are able to realize a healthier and easier life in the future.
Dianne
Wow. I worked for years with Make-a-Wish and have been at the bedside of dying children. I’ve seen the fairy wings entering the rooms – butterflies the kids call them. The nurses say it’s morphine but I don’t believe them. You are carried on fairy’s wings.
Hi Jan,
Your words truly leave me speechless, they are so beautiful. Thank you so much for them, and for reading.
big hugs,
bru
As always Bru, your courage inspires me. When I feel the effects of my arthritis and I can’t write, I think of you, and I have no excuse not to write.
I cannot wait for OF STARDUST!
Thank you so much Anne for visiting here! You are a constant inspiration to me, and I appreciate you so much.
big hugs,
bru
You are an inspiration to me, and I’m sure to many others, in all that you have had to overcome in your life. I’m glad you were able to turn to writing. I understand how it can be a safe place when everything else is dark.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Best Wishes,
Kristina
Hi Kristina, it is so nice to meet you. Thank you for your kind words, they are very much appreciated. I figured if the post helped one person or made one person think, then it was worth writing. I am so glad that you felt inspired, and I thank you for reading and for your lovely remarks!
All the best,
bru
I thoroughly enjoyed your piece. My story is similar having suffered through a near fatal bout of Bacterial Meningitis, subsequent deafness and amputations.
Writing was something I enjoyed in college but never embraced it as something other than a hobby. From my rehab bed, in utter silence, I found escapingg, retreating into my own private world was comforting and often the most interesting part of my day!
May God bless you in your journey.
Hello Jerri Lee!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, it really means a lot to me.
I am sorry that you have been through so much with your health but so glad to hear that writing has been a comfort to you, as it has to me. It is a gift to have a place to escape to inside our minds during our darkest hours.
I wish you peace, healthier days, and many contented hours happily writing away.
*hugs*
~bru