Desange Kuenihira: On Writing Undefeated Woman

UNDEFEATED WOMAN

As a young girl, Desange Kuenihira was told repeatedly that she was meaningless. An arranged marriage and motherhood before twenty—guaranteeing a life in poverty—were all she was told to expect. But Desange knew she had more inside her, and that education was the key to unlocking her potential.

In Undefeated Woman, Desange Kuenihira takes us on the challenging journey of her childhood. She recalls fleeing with her siblings from the civil war raging in Congo and the daily struggle of life in a refugee camp in Uganda, where she suffered many forms of abuse. She relates her journey to America, the culture clash of living with American foster families, and her quest for her education and the ability to control her own life. Now a college graduate and determined to pay forward the kindness of those that helped her through, Desange has launched the nonprofit UnDEfeated to empower women and girls in Uganda.

Desange’s inspirational story shows us all how we can overcome any odds through education, determined perseverance, and the kindness of caring people.

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On writing memoir: Desange Kuenihira

I believe everyone has a story to tell, so I want to share my stories with the world. Many people can relate to my story of being a meaningless girl. Finding myself was not easy, but I believed in myself and pushed forward to see the beautiful woman within me. 

As a little girl my voice was taken away from me. When I found it, I wanted to share it with the world and those struggling to find themselves. I hope reading this book helps them keep pushing to find their voice and themselves. Sometimes all it takes is for us to listen to ourselves and to stop caring about what other people think of us. Everyone has their own opinions of you. If you care about all of these opinions, you will drive yourself crazy. Focus on you, your dreams, and knowing yourself enough so that people’s words and thoughts do not have power over you. 

As a teenager, I struggled to find myself. I’ve always fought a good deal within myself and society made it harder with all the beliefs or theories that they put on women. All I knew was that if I was going to find myself, I had to break away from this. 

I am not saying this is easy. I am saying that you will have to listen to yourself and take a deep look at how you want to live your life and what kind of person you want to become. You must break all those barriers for yourself, and by doing so you will give others hope to break away from what is making them suffer. It is a lot of work, and you must be honest with yourself on this journey. If you lie to yourself, then there is no point. You are not making any change with yourself. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and face the person within you. I believe that when you are vulnerable with someone, you truly love these people. When you start being vulnerable with yourself, you can begin to love yourself and allow yourself to be a human being. 

I used to fear crying or being vulnerable with others and myself. But I realized there is power in allowing yourself to be vulnerable. When I first allowed myself to cry, I was looking at myself in the mirror and I felt something different. I was so kind to myself that I began telling myself words that I wanted other people to say. 

Often, a fear of vulnerability can come from times when we have been punished for being soft and open. Our society now no longer praises openness due to the emotional risk that comes with it. However, embracing vulnerability is crucial for growth over time, both emotionally and societally and while it may feel risky, it is essential to making any kind of change. Practicing vulnerability is a brave act. To experience complicated emotions such as love, we are taking huge risks. This all calls for openness, which allows us to stay complete and authentic. Relationships with others can become extra tough when we can’t be vulnerable with ourselves! 

When we begin to feel secure enough to live as our authentic selves, we build an emotional safety net around ourselves that allows us to begin feeling safer and more comfortable being this version of us around others as well. We are more willing to take emotional risks as we trust that the safety net we have built will save us from being hurt. 

We continually encourage people to be more vulnerable with each other. This encouragement should be reflected within ourselves as well, turning inwards to reflect on questions such as: Do I love and accept who I am, my flaws, mistakes, shortcomings, and all?

I have found healing in being vulnerable. It has let me live my life free and love to the fullest, even if I do not get that love back. I know eventually that love will make its way back to me, but in the meantime, I am fulfilled providing. Loving and praying for someone is the best gift you will ever offer them. It has allowed me to know myself better so that people’s opinions no longer hold me back because I know who I am. I love myself and choose to take the love that I seek from others and give it back to myself so that I can attract more. 

My hope for writing this book is that everyone sees that no matter what you go through, you will overcome it if you refuse to give up. As long as you look for different ways to reach your goals. There are many ways to think. It does not matter what road you take home as long as you get there. You must keep hoping, believing, and having faith, even when it does not make sense. 

I hope this book helps someone find their path and inspires them to keep fighting, so they can have a life they have always dreamed of, so they can be great. You will have to struggle and embrace whatever life throws your way. 

BUY UNDEFEATED WOMAN HERE

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Desange Kuenihira is the CEO and founder of unDEfeated, a non-profit organization that provides education for underprivileged youth and women with extreme financial hardship in Uganda. The foundation supports single mothers and youth in developing entrepreneurial skills so that they can start successful businesses to support their families.

Originally from Democratic Republic of Congo, Desange lived in Uganda for twelve years as a refugee before moving to the US and becoming a US citizen. Desange holds a Bachelor of Science in criminology and a Bachelor of Science in health, society, and policy, with a minor in entrepreneurship and pre-business from the University of Utah.

Desange was named Miss Democratic Republic of Congo in the 2019 Miss Africa Utah pageant and Miss Juneteenth in 2018 and continues to represent her home country in speeches and community activities.

She was honored to be recognized for her commitment to the refugee community by being nominated for the Emerging Youth Leader Award in 2019.

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing