Inspiration behind writing Gaslighting Recovery for Women by Dr. Amelia Kelley

Inspiration behind writing Gaslighting Recovery for Women
by Dr. Amelia Kelley

My name is Dr. Amelia Kelley and I am a trauma-informed therapist and advocate for survivors of domestic violence and other forms of relationship trauma. With 20 years of experience as a therapist, I have seen first-hand the impact that gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse can have on survivors as well as gaslighting often found in marginalized areas in our society.

In addition to counseling, I am a coach, professor and public speaker, and have had the honor of speaking with several interesting thought leaders from around the world. After my first book, which I co-authored with podcast host, Kendall Ann Combs, What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship published in 2022 I had the opportunity to cover the topic of gaslighting more in depth and explore how it negatively impacts survivors of domestic violence and other forms of relationship trauma. This led to a viral article in PureWow that explored “6 Gaslighting Phrases” that are markers of true toxicity.

When writing about any topic I commonly refer to myself as a “method writer.” Much like an actor who learns to take on a role or persona, I entrench myself in the topic from every angle possible. I will listen to podcasts, watch TED Talks, Vlogs, ask my clients about their experience and opinions, talk with family and friends, read any article or book that has value on the topic, and even find myself daydreaming about the topic until I feel like I can flush out its many angles and experience true empathy about what it feels like to walk in the shoes of that lived experience. 

My research leading up to that article got me thinking about all the ways gaslighting, Webster’s Dictionary’s 2022 Word of the Year, has played a role in disempowering women in both our recent and distant history. Specifically considering things such as the #MeToo movement and the need to establish equity for women in politics. I felt moved to write further on the topic and to speak directly to women, motivating my recently published book, Gaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse. This book is meant to reach not only women but men who support or love women because we all must learn what this term really means, how to identify when it is happening and how to confront, overcome and protect ourselves. 

One of the more interesting questions that I have been asked since publication is “why write the book for women only?” This is a valid question as gaslighting, which is an emotionally abusive tactic meant to control, manipulate, or distort one’s own sense of reality and inner voice, can be experienced by both men and women and not only in romantic relationships. Despite the fact that gaslighting has existed as long as emotional manipulation has, it is just in the past 100 years that the arts, in the form of the 1938 thriller play by its name “Gas Light” offered a name to describe it. When we consider patriarchal power and the reason movements like #MeToo exists, it highlights why and how women may be more readily or deeply impacted by these tactics. To answer “why women” I would like to offer a brief excerpt from the book:

Women and Gaslighting 

Women can be extremely powerful and intuitive—a realization that can be intimidating to people or groups who want to control them. Women, generally speaking, are emotionally aware and sensitive to the needs of others, while also being pragmatic and decisive. While emotional awareness and sensitivity are incredible assets to society, certain patriarchal systems have tried to diminish these skills by labeling women as “too sensitive” or “overly emotional.” 

Patriarchy thrives off gaslighting women as a means to sustain power over them. In Melinda Wenner Moyer’s New York Times article “Women Are Calling Out Medical Gaslighting,” she outlines the issue of medical gaslighting that has existed long before there was a term to describe it. For centuries, women have been told they were suffering “hysteria” in response to almost all mental health issues as well as any medical issues related to the uterus. Women’s health and bodily autonomy have been sidelined, while research, financial investment, and future treatment options historically prioritized men’s health. As a result, men’s health issues are more readily focused on, benefiting them over women— though excluding women from medical research eventually becomes harmful to both genders.

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Amelia Kelley PhD, MS, LCMHC, ATR, RYT, is a trauma-informed therapist with a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology from Capella University, along with a Masters in Art Therapy and Counseling from Nazareth College of Rochester. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP therapist, Certified Brainspotting therapist, EMDR-informed therapist and meditation and yoga teacher. She is a guest podcaster and presenter in the “science-help” field focusing on relationships, Highly Sensitive Persons, trauma, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD. She has also been featured on XM Doctor Radio’s The Psychiatry Show as well as NPR’s The Measure of Everyday Life exploring gaslighting and its impact on self-esteem. She is also a contributing author for Psychology Today and The Highly Sensitive refuge. Her practice is also currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. You can find out more about her work at www.ameliakelley.com or follow her on Instragram @drameliakelley for further support. 

 

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Category: On Writing