Interview with Jeanne Baker Guy
Cedar Park, Texas – In 1977, Jeanne’s German ex-husband, Klaus, tells her he has a new job and wants to take their three-year-old daughter and six-year-old son away for a long weekend to celebrate. Jeanne relents. But Klaus never returns and instead sends Jeanne a letter, delivered by a priest, in which he declares that he has fled to Germany and Jeanne will never see him, or her children, again.
The next four months are filled with agony, despair, and anger as Jeanne seeks legal support but quickly learns that federal parental kidnapping laws will offer her little help. She reflects on her tumultuous ten-year marriage to Klaus and the unsettling events that followed their divorce. A product of the patriarchal culture of the 1950s, Jeanne’s nice-girl mentality is being tested and reshaped by the feminist movement of the 1970s, and she finds that the kidnapping ultimately becomes a doorway to unexpected strength.
You’ll Never Find Us is the story of a young mother coming into her own power, regardless of past mistakes, bad judgment, and fears; the story of a woman who realizes that she must tap into her newfound resilience and courage to find her stolen children—and steal them back.
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Q&A WITH JEANNE BAKER GUY
What prompted you to share your story now, over 40 years after the events that took place in your new memoir, You’ll Never Find Us?
It wasn’t until 2001, when my ex-husband died, that the idea to write the 1977 story began to percolate. I started writing it in 2005 because of encouragement from author Christina Baldwin at her writers’ retreat on Whidbey Island.
It’s been fifteen years in the making, so my desire to share the story has evolved over time. Originally, I didn’t care if I had an audience. It was strictly cathartic. Poet and author Mark Nepo said in The Book of Awakening, “Tragedy stays alive by feeling what’s been done to us, while peace comes alive by living with the result.” As long as I let the story fester inside me, there would be no end to the pain. It would win. But by writing and shedding light on the story, by learning about writing and myself over the years, I could know some peace.
Once I started, I had to finish. It was a creative challenge that required years of workshops, critique groups, and mentors. And as the story unfolded and grew, so did I. Also, the scope broadened over the years as I studied writing at a deeper level and researched the historical elements crucial to the story.
Though I wouldn’t recommend my backburner fifteen-year writing process, I am glad the book is coming out now at this point in time. It seems particularly relevant given its major themes, which are timelier than ever: dealing intimately with white supremacy, patriarchy, feminism, and women’s empowerment. But most importantly, parental child stealing.
It also helped that certain characters passed on, increasing my comfort level to speak the truth I needed to speak. And now, let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger, and I’d like to be around when the book hits the streets and get cracking on the next memoir.
For younger readers who aren’t familiar with the struggle for women’s rights and the feminist movement of the 1970s, can you explain the difference between what was possible for and expected of women compared to now?
Straddling the patriarchal 1950s and the feminist movement of the 1970s was like having one foot on a boat and one foot on a dock. I didn’t belong on either.
My world consisted of mixed messages: get a good education and a husband; have a marriage to have children but be independent.
Now, there are many more opportunities and resources for a woman to live out her story and be empowered enough to act on her innate courage. When I was younger, my choices were to be a secretary, nurse, or teacher (all valued roles). Careers are limitless now, with many glass ceilings having been broken since then, even though they might be in male-dominated arenas. There are more women in politics and business, with more power, but in many cases are still treated as less than, e.g., equal pay for equal work, and all too often, while working outside the home, are expected to additionally handle a traditional role within the household.
When your ex-husband abducted your children, it became immediately apparent the law was ineffective as it was written at the time. Have things changed?
Yes. The Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA) was enacted in 1980. More federal laws followed. Parental kidnapping is now a crime in every state, not a custody issue, as was the case in 1977. Publications relating to child abduction are available online from many sources, including the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, and Take Root.
Today, per www.amberalert.ojp.gov, the AMBER Alert system (America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response) is being used in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Indian country, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and 33 other countries. Since its inception in 2006, as of April 2021, 1,064 children have been successfully recovered through the AMBER Alert system.
Yet kidnappings continue, and the numbers are still high—too high; current statistics are hard to pin down, but a HealthResearchFunding.org report estimated 203,900 children were victims of a family abduction in 2020.
Despite changes in the law, it takes an extraordinary effort to search for, find, and retrieve your children. Per a MissingKids.com publication relative to Family Abduction: Prevention and Response, there currently exist at least two concerns: 1) obvious difficulties arise because individual state criminal laws vary widely, and 2) local legal authorities often fail to respond and are ill-equipped to handle parental abduction cases.
How did you summon the courage not to give up after you found out your children had been taken, and you were told by your ex-husband, “You’ll never find us?”
I didn’t consciously summon the courage. It was my job to protect the well-being of my children. My love for them was infinite; the images of their faces in my mind and the ache in my heart became my fuel. How could I not search for them? I had chosen not to be a victim in an abusive relationship; how could I allow them to become victims? I didn’t go searching for courage. The drive came from within me. It wasn’t a choice. You don’t go looking for it—you’re not missing equipment—you have it in you.
Friends, family, colleagues, and especially Haywood, supported and encouraged me. What Klaus did was wrong and not in the interests of the children or their well-being, and, as parents, that’s our job. After Ty and Megan read the memoir, they realized what I went through to find them.
What would you like readers to take away from your memoir?
Though I am well aware this situation can apply to both men and women, I want women, in particular, to know that they can tap into an existing well of courage they might not even know they have, feel their power, and get through awful situations in life. This is a story of moving from a misguided mindset of subservience and powerlessness to finding that power. I was an imperfect but loving mother and knew my children’s well-being was my responsibility. It is never a parent’s right to use their children as pawns.
I hope women will be inspired to tell their stories for whatever reason—whether it be cathartic or to share it with others in some capacity. You can grow as a person and know your own worth, regardless of external barriers.
BUY YOU’LL NEVER FIND US HERE
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Jeanne Baker Guy of Jeanne Guy Gatherings is an author, speaker, and journal writing coach. (Her first name is pronounced Genie, though she is without magical powers.) Born and raised in Indiana, she received her bachelor’s degree in English literature and drama from Indiana University.
After a twenty-five-year career in office management and business development, she found her calling in facilitating personal growth circles. Her teaching career began in 1995 facilitating “Your Life Is Your Art! You Are the Artist” workshops based on Julia Cameron’s masterful book The Artist’s Way.
Jeanne created Jeanne Guy Gatherings in 2008, facilitating groups and expanding her writing career.
Years of blogs, filled with her irreverent humor, serve as the basis for her classes and her 2015 book Seeing Me: A Guide for Reframing the Way You See Yourself Through Reflective Writing, co-authored with photographer David Rackley.
Mother of three grown and married children, Jeanne lives in Cedar Park, Texas, with her retired architect/husband Robert and two spoiled feral cats.
Category: Contemporary Women Writers, How To and Tips
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