When Women Write
When women write, they have to pull away from their many responsibilities and walk a path alone to get their words on paper
Women are hardwired to sustain the life of their children. Hardwired for relationships. Hardwired for nurturing.
Though we’re all different and fall across the spectrum, biologically, more women are instinctively focused on sustaining life of the vulnerable and weak. It’s necessary because human infants need years of nurturing and care before they can survive independently.
Why say this here? Because for many women, carving time out for their writing is literally cutting away part of their life – their relationships with others, their responsibilities to others.
Women who have been able to say “no” to other responsibilities, in order to be able to make time for their own writing, do risk the resentment of their friends and family. There is a cost.
Mary Oliver’s poem The Journey talks about that, about all the voices clamoring for attention:
“‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.”
And you, (we) having to keep going for what we’re going for.
When we take time to write, we risk being called “selfish”.
Have you had to carve out your own writing time? Has there been a cost?
[Updated 4/13/2012]
Category: Women Writing Poetry
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Im a single mom of 2 children, work full time, workout, attend an online university, etc…It is very hard to find the time to write. And yes, I sometimes have to justify why I am seeking time. I have been made to feel guilty from time to time because my attention was wanted elsewhere. Then I feel like a slacker when I give in. I also think of my readers (love them!) they would want me to write, so I do every chance I get despite the fact that I may miss something. I feel very refreshed when I do write and probably have a much nicer attitude (writing is indeed therapy!)
***and yes, the housework does get pushed aside a lot…but thats when I assign chores to my kids :)****
I get asked this a lot. I work full time and I’ve got three kids who are busy with activities and lacking their own driver’s licenses. What works for me is that I get up very early on weekends and write until noon (when the rest of the house wakes up). After that, I’m there for my family. Then I spend weekday evenings editing and revising the new material I came up with over the weekend (usually while at my daughter’s dance practice, etc.)
AND I forego other things like cleaning, doing laundry, volunteering at school… : )
While it’s hard to do, every time I carve time out for my writing, I feel happy and enthused afterwards, and I bring that good energy back to my family life. This is how we create our best selves, so we can be there to do all that nurturing we want and need to do. I’m through with being a martyr. It doesn’t serve me or those around me. Thanks for the post. It’s a topic we need to keep coming back to.
Elaine, thanks so much for commenting! We’ll have to invite you to write more in-depth about how writing nourishes. “This is how we create our best selves, so we can be there to do all that nurturing we want and need to do.” So well spoken.
Thanks for commenting Nettie. Sorry to hear that you have illness to work with and around. Your comment raises the question for us to answer – How does writing help us as women, and how does it help others? If it’s valueless, then we can feel guilty. But if we get clear about how it actually is contributing with entertainment, insight, hope and information, then “Guilt be Gone!” is the command we can practice.
I do find it difficult to make time to write, even though I have time during the day. Due to illness, I don’t work outside the home and if I sit and devote too much time to writing, I feel guilty that I am not doing ‘proper’ work like my husband. I must stress, my darling husband has never done or said anything to make me feel this way. I do often think that women are also hardwired into feeling guilt for nurturing themselves instead of others. Interesting post, thanks.