An Invitation to Thrive: How Grief Made Me a Writer By Claudia Coenen

I never thought of myself as a writer, although I have always written in journals. They contain my thoughts and feelings, and are a shelter for musings, snippets of inspirational poetry and images of what I would like to manifest. Journaling was a lifeline when my husband Alby suddenly died; I filled 12 of them in the first year of widowhood.

I’ve had several major life disruptions that knocked me off the trajectory I thought I was on. My way of coping is to dive deep into what has ended, to feel the totality of it. I try to process the hard parts and to consider the gifts in what went before. Growing up among artists and on stage as a performer in music and dance, I find it natural to tap into creative expression to handle difficult events.  

When Alby died, in between waves of emotion, I scribbled with pastels, embroidered, collaged and moved grief through my body. Grief felt like an explosion; I was shattered and longed to feel whole again. I focused on my grieving and growing children, wanting them to continue their own trajectories. They launched into college, graduate school, relationships and careers which are fulfilling to them. It took me longer to find a new path.

I decided to become a creative grief counselor and entered a Master’s program in Transpersonal Psychology. Since this was not specific to bereavement, I found several certification programs, which grounded my personal experience with theory and research. I joined the Association for Death Education and Counseling and am now a Fellow in Thanatology and often present my work at their annual conference. Thanatology is the study of death, dying and bereavement.

I worked as a bereavement counselor in a hospice for several years to hone my skills and develop creative tools including a deck of prompt cards called Karuna Cards. While I was doing all this, I fell in love and remarried.

When I left hospice, I went back to those 12 journals and was inspired to write a book. I mined my journals and started writing, incorporating client stories and creative suggestions. I found Jessica Kingsley Books, which publishes a wide range of topics, including art therapy and grief books. I pitched the book and cards together in one proposal and waited for a response.

The editor, Elen Griffiths, offered me separate contracts, one for each. Shattered by Grief: Picking up the pieces to become WHOLE again poured onto the page easily, with parts of my journals anchoring the text. Once it was launched, Elen asked me what I’d like to write next, and I proposed The Creative Toolkit. Next came Seasons of Grief, where I edited contributions from 17 colleagues, offering their own creative techniques. I speak to various groups on creativity, compassion fatigue, pandemic grief and somatic awareness and continue to see clients in private practice.

My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in October 2022. I brought him home on hospice and provided comfort, wanting him to have a peaceful death. His spiritual needs were addressed, and his daughter, friends and my family surrounded us both. He died on November 14, just six weeks after the diagnosis.

Suddenly, I was alone once more. Again, I turned to journaling, collage, dancing to music in my living room. I called several colleagues and enlisted their guidance to get through another major life change. I looked at my life and saw a pattern of adaptability, tenacity and resilience. I thought about my father, who fled Nazi Germany in 1939. My grandparents always had a positive attitude despite losing so much.

I talked to people about resilience and gathered stories. I decided to write about transitions, calling them the Space In Between. I feel that it is not enough to survive, we might also thrive, but how? I pitched a new deck of Karuna Cards for Thriving After Loss and a book, An Invitation to Thrive to my editor.  Elen advised me to begin the book with “The End is the Beginning.” After the end, we find ourselves in the Space in Between, where we can process and heal, and begin to design what is next.

Writing this book was challenging and I was distressed by how hard it was. Restless with grief, I distracted myself by traveling. I interviewed people who had suffered losses in different circumstances, including death, stillbirth, cancer diagnoses, a murder in the family and a life-changing career move. It occurred to me that I was struggling to write because I was inside my own transition, literally within the Space In Between, while desperately wishing to be on the other side. I laughed at myself, recognizing the discomfort in staying with grief until it loosens. 

Finally, I asked for help. I sent a draft to Elen for her input. I arranged and rearranged the chapters. I wrote draft after draft, discarding and rewriting entire chapters. For the first time, I was three months late on my contract deadline, although the new Karuna Cards were submitted early. 

Despite my struggle, I am pleased with the outcome. The book offers room for reflection, suggestions for things to do and encouragement to just be with what is. It is personal and warm, and grounded in research and theory. I do not claim that resilience is a requirement, rather it is possible to find a flexible way to respond to major “life-quakes.” Many people do not relate to “resilience,” even as they adapt to life after loss. An Invitation to Thrive really is an invitation to the reader to find their own way through, to the other side of transition. 

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Claudia Coenen is a grief counselor and Fellow in Thanatology. She presents internationally on resilience, grief, and posttraumatic growth. She has authored three previous books and developed tools to help people in their grief. Her new book is, An Invitation to Thrive: Cultivating Resilience and Purpose After Bereavement, Life Transitions and Multiple Loss (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, Nov. 19, 2026). Learn more at www.thekarunaproject.com.

An Invitation to Thrive: Cultivating Resilience and Purpose After Bereavement, Life Transitions and Multiple Loss

“I’d like to invite you to stop here, at the juncture of your disruption. You are already halted by what has happened, so just stop for a little while. Breathe. There will be a time for assessments and action, but not just yet.

Be with it. The break offers an opening.

Open your heart and enter.”

Everyone experiences transitions and major “life-quakes”. Those who are preparing for one such “life-quake” or seeking meaning and growth after the fact will discover inspiration, understanding and guidance here.

Grief counselor Claudia Coenen shares her life experience of resilience and growth after multiple losses and interweaves it with professional advice. Through a combination of theory, reflective prompts, anecdotes, and interviews with experts, she invites you to explore grief caused by different life events as an avenue towards building resilience and rediscovering one’s purpose.

 

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Category: On Writing