Negotiating the Swamp: When Am I a “Writer?”
In this world of the gainfully employed, the corporates who climb ladders and meet glass ceilings, and the professions that mean something because of the degree certificates it took to acquire them, swimming in this swamp is the full-time writer.I only appreciated the gravity of this title when I tried to fill in an application form for a credit card. The young clerk at the bank asked me my profession, and I blurted out “Writer,” and his raised eyebrow and curt response was, “Well how much do you earn per month?”It didn’t take me long to change the professional title to psychologist, my other financially viable, employable alter ego.But then, these questions began to form in my mind:When do you actually call yourself a writer? Is it the day you get something, anything published? If that’s the case then I was a writer at age 7, where my poem about a lonely snowman was published in the Kid’s Column in a local newspaper.
Is it the day your writing brings you your first pay check? Well, if that makes me a writer, then I am yet to be one. Save for a few tiny commissions I have received for some short story wins, I’ve barely earned enough as a writer to afford ink and a yellow legal pad.
Or perhaps, it is the day you proclaim out loud to friends and family, “I am a writer. And proud of it too.”
It took me a while to come out of the literary closet. I secretly wrote journals, and attempts at short stories, sharing them with no one. Under cover of darkness, I wrote parts of what now has become my debut novel, “What About Meera.”
I didn’t dare mention my writing affliction to my parents who nursed dreams of my becoming the nurse of their dreams, or better still…a doctor. It never occurred to me to pursue a professional career as a Writer. Writing was just something I did when no one was looking. It wasn’t even a hobby. Just a hidden space I occupied.
It would be years later, well into my thirties that I wrote a short story for a magazine competition, and perhaps it was the angst of heading for forty, but I bravely submitted it. And I won. At that point when I collected my prize, I noticed my family and friends actually glad for me. They finally were able to admit that they knew all along that I spent nights chipping away at a story. It was time. To admit. I am a Writer.
But although that admission has set me free, I’ve also realised the brevity of the title. One soon-to-be published book and a few short stories did not make me feel like I had achieved, that I truly deserved the title, Writer.
I felt like I needed to be constantly in flux, always changing, always learning. For starters, the publishing process for me was an alien world. I could not get my head around large and important things such as the incessant edits and re-edits I had to go through. Running the gauntlet of editing, marketing, promoting and increasing my visibility felt difficult and strange.
Naievely, I thought that once I had written the novel, it was cast in stone and didn’t need to be fiddled with. I believed it was done, and it would find its way in the world on its own. I was so wrong. The tiresome editing and marketing process taught me more about writing than anything before it. The writer’s retreats and mini-courses I did added to my body of theoretical knowledge, but the cold facts only hit home when I entered the publishing process. I learned about technical methodology like chronology and point of view. I learned how to take criticism without feeling gutted if a few paragraphs were called “cheesy.”
I also learned the value of entrusting your most secret possession, your little baby that only you have touched to stranger’s hands. Trusting my editor meant trusting my readers. It meant knowing that my work would go out there, and no matter how emotionally vulnerable you feel, the reader will hold you afloat. That connection between writer and reader is of key importance. It is where the words come to life.
I am still negotiating the swamp of being a published, professional writer. Some days, I am happy to proclaim: I AM a writer. But most days I realise that you are never a writer. You are always becoming one. There is always more to learn, more to understand, more to introspect before any written work comes out of you. You will always swim the swamp. But, look around you… It is a beautiful swamp.
—
Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing
Subscribe
If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to receive more just like it.
Comments (20)
Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed
Sites That Link to this Post
- The Writer, Unleashed | challaandhaggis | April 22, 2016
Grandma Moses: farmer. Virginia Woolf: homemaker. Walt Whitman: typesetter. Maya Angelou: professional dancer. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: attorney at law. Rock that psychology degree and look on the bright side, at least you’re not prospecting in Alaska 🙂
Interesting take on being a writer, but I, too, agree with Linda, Anita, and Lorraine about the “…you are never a writer. You are always becoming one.” line.
I am a writer and have considered myself such since I was nine. It is my passion and how I identify myself just as much as saying, “I have long brown hair and wear glasses.” It’s not a hobby, it’s part of my soul. Writing is as necessary to my life as breathing, and, like breathing, were I to stop doing it, I’d die – or go insane.
Unlike you, I never hid my love of writing. My parents encouraged me all the way. What did take some getting used to was the actual sharing of the story. Would my readers like it?! I took criticism very hard for a long time, even if someone was just pointing out a simple typo or misspelled word. Slowly, I came to accept and truly appreciate constructive criticism. It’s made me better at my craft.
Though I’ve had numerous articles and novels published, both with a traditional publisher and self-published, I still don’t earn enough to make a living at it. The small royalties I get every month are nice, but that’s not what’s important to me. Getting the story out is what matters. Sharing it with others and knowing I have educated, amused and/or entertained my readers brings me the greatest joy. Certainly I’m still learning, but just because there’s a lot to learn doesn’t mean that in the meantime I’m not a writer.
Soon, I will be sending off a book to one of my writer friends, who DOES make a living at it, and frankly, I’m terrified. TERR-I-FIED! But, it’s a step I need to take to learn. It’s one thing for family and friends to say they like your work, it’s another for a real professional at it to give it the once over. YIKES!
Best of luck with your writing, ZP. BELIEVE in yourself as a writer and I think you’ll discover that the writing will come easier to you.
Pamela
You post certainly resonates with me. The toughest moment to cross was being a full time writer – having no fallback. Yet your discovery that being a writer is a journey where you are continuously learning and developing skills and confidence speaks to me of the real joy writing gives you.
As soon as I believed, truly, in my passion for writing, my visceral need to write, and someone else – a teacher – encouraged me, I began to think of myself as a writer. The ups and downs of the writing journey do not change who I am. I am a writer. Very thought-provoking essay. Thank you, ZP Dala! @LatelaMary
I think it is important to own what you do and what you want to be. For that reason I call myself a writer. Money does not come in to it. I am other things to other people, daughter, sister, mother, wife but to me I am a writer.
At some point early in 2014 I realised that I could call myself a writer without cringing inside at the potential pretentiousness of the assertion. Why? Because I realised that I was writing something, for myself rather than for my job, every single day. Whether it was a poem, a chapter of a book, a summary, an outline, and article for a website or blog, a #vss or a short story, every single day I was driven to write something. That was what made me a writer. The act of writing.
Amen, loove it. DOES GETTING PAID for something mean you ARE that something?
Yes, I think we always grow as writers. I’m glad we do. We writer, therefore we are writers?
I don’t agree at all with “you’re never a writer; you’re always becoming one.” You write and finish projects — you’re a writer. Period. It doesn’t matter if you earn money or not. Way too many people think all writers do is dash off a novel and it becomes a best seller. They don’t realize that it’s real work learning how to do a story people want to pay to read.
Yes, it’s important to always keep learning something new about writing and continuing to grow. But that doesn’t mean you’re not a writer, and you shouldn’t be devaluing yourself. That subconsciously will come through in the writing.
I agree. If one writes, they are a writer. They could be published or unpublished – full or part time, brilliant or not. A writer is one who finds joy in emptying the contents of their hearts and bringing forth tangible evidence of what before was intangible. I’m a writer! And so are you!
A thoughtful post with lots of candid, personal points, as well as some important professional ones, but I have to agree with Linda and Anita on the line, “…you are never a writer. You are always becoming one. There is always more to learn….”
A writer is one who writes and has a facility for expressing their thoughts, ideas, and stories through the written word. We don’t hesitate to call a singer a “singer” if she sings well and does it where others can hear her; it doesn’t depend on her income, the status or number of those singing jobs, or even if she could, over time and experience, become a BETTER singer. She’s out there singing—so we call her a singer.
I don’t believe being in the process of evolving and learning—a state every artist, craftsmen, or professional of any kind should always be in—diminishes one’s status. It’s a part of one’s status.
I know I am always learning; certainly my income fluctuates (dammit! 🙂 ); I sometimes do other things to make money, but I AM a writer. Proudly and without hesitation.
There’s a tale that a journalist asked the celebrated ‘cellist, Pablo Casals, why he still practised for hours every day, even though he was in his nineties. Casals apparently responded, ‘Because I think I’m improving.’
Writing is not an occupation. It is the unstoppable call to express the imagination, and share the vision with the world.
A writer, is one who commits to the art of finely wrought words and can put poetry in motion.
Loved this! I like the idea of always becoming a writer, very much.
I admit, I made an extra payment on my mortgage with the money from a short sale, just for the symbolism.
I’ve always appreciated the definition of Pat Schneider (founder of the Amherst Writers and Artists teaching method): a writer is someone who writes. There are many out there toiling away at stories, revisions, novels, etc, who may not be published but who are working as hard as the person who has earned that elusive (especially these days) three-book deal.
Great article! I too love the idea that we are always “becoming” writers.
I also agree that it can be difficult to state “I am a writer,” when asked about my profession. The follow-up questions always come, ‘What have you published?” “Where can I get your books?” “How are book sales, going?” and even when they are well-intended you can feel a little like you are being asked to prove something.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I could not have said this better myself . . . My equivalent to your snowman poem was one that I wrote about rain. My mother clipped it and carried in her wallet. Sentimentality aside, validation counts for a lot — though the bottom line, as you point it, is that ‘becoming’ that is always a part of being a writer. I often think of it in these terms: there’s a subtle difference between saying, ‘I’m a writer’ and saying, ‘I wake each day to write.’
Great article and spot-on! I have had a very similar experience and can relate to everything you mentioned. You’re right–in the end, the joy of just being able to write what you want to write makes up for everything else.
There is some comfort in thinking we are always becoming writers. It puts the focus on improving and growing and not so much on money and status. Plus, there are some lovely creatures in the swamp. Thanks for reminding us all that there are so many different benchmarks for when you’ve made it as a writer. It makes the journey the most important thing.