Writing to Heal by Rebecca and Sallyann Majoya

Writing to Heal by Rebecca and Sallyann Majoya

In our memoir, Uncertain Fruit: A Memoir of Infertility, Loss, and Love, we take turns describing our dream of having a baby together and the tumultuous ride to make that dream come true. 

After trying everything from foster care to fertility trials, and after nearly ten years of failed attempts, we find an opportunity to participate in a local, private adoption with a teenage mom. We are overjoyed the first time we hold our newborn son in their arms. An excerpt about this from Sallyann’s perspective in the memoir reads:

I cried as he wriggled out of you in waves. I’d never seen this amazing, most wondrous process up close… You pushed in silence and stillness with all your being, and we saw the crack in the sky from which his head emerged—a stump of dark hair that then sank back inside you, only to reemerge with the next heave-ho of your body and breath. He was more, then. More than a head. Soon he would be head and shoulders, knees and toes, rushing out on a wave and caught in the hands of waiting women. And there were not enough words, there never are, to describe all this wonder and all this love and beauty, and oh, all the desire and excitement and joy.  

I held him against my skin, the little wonder, and he wriggled and moved and breathed and looked around. After all the fuss he had made as he entered this world, he was now the picture of peace. Silent and open, his eyes taking in the world, our arms enveloping him. At once I feared that I would never know how to handle him while also feeling as though handling him was the most natural thing in my life. Almost as natural as waking up or closing my eyes.

To hold a dream come true is beyond the scope of our language; it reverberates throughout the cosmos.

My little guy.

I never dreamed I’d have such a little guy. That we’d have our little munchkin, who was now naked against my naked chest, breathing against my heart, our hearts beating in harmony, in the wee small hours of the majestic morning in which you’d turned your head, kept your eyes closed, and released him to us.

Or so I thought.

Or so I’d hoped.

Outside forces intervened, and the birth mother reclaims the baby. Even going in with our eyes wide open about the risks of an open adoption, we were grief stricken. It takes writing about this experience to help us survive this traumatic loss.

When we lost our tiny boy, we scoured bookstores for something to read to help us heal, but every adoption story had a happy ending. No one had written a story like ours, with heartbreak at the end of a long journey. We knew we were not alone in our grief, and in our struggle to create and raise a child. We knew we were not alone with our empty arms. So we wrote our own story to help others, and ourselves, heal.

—

Rebecca Majoya received her B.A. from Cedarville University in Ohio, and her M.Ed. from Castleton University in Vermont. Sallyann Majoya has a B.A. in English from the University of San Diego and a B.S. in wellness & alternative medicine from Northern Vermont University. She is currently completing her graduate degree in speech-language pathology. They live together in central Vermont and collectively have experience working in education, writing, wellness, and social work.  

UNCERTAIN FRUIT

A loving lesbian couple raising their two boys as a blended family in Vermont, Rebecca and Sallyann are deeply committed parents who dream of having a baby together. They try everything from foster care to fertility trials, and after nearly ten years of failed attempts, find an opportunity to participate in a local, private adoption with a teenage mom. Rebecca and Sallyann are overjoyed when they hold their newborn son in their arms. They take the baby home from the hospital and welcome him into their family. But outside forces intervene and the birth mother reclaims the baby, sending the couple into a tailspin. To survive this traumatic loss, Rebecca and Sallyann lean on their love as a couple, and grow stronger in their grief.

From their distinct voices, this dual memoir explores how feelings of self-doubt, longing, and heartache sneak into the layers of life, informing the decisions you make and the place where you belong.

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Category: Contemporary Women Writers