Authors Interviewing Characters: Susan Coll

Word Salad

Matilda loves logic and order, and now her structured world is falling apart—in a bookstore, of all places.

Former economics major Matilda is living where she never thought she would—back in her hometown of Washington D.C.—at a job she never imagined she’d take—at her neighborhood bookstore. She’s coping with the recent loss of her mother and trying, in vain, to make sense of illogical business of books. To make things worse, she’s forced to team up with a new hire—the enigmatic, flaky, larger-than-life, Sage—who shows up on her first day of work with zero administrative skills and her tiny, puffy, incessantly urinating dog that resembles an underfed rat.

Something in the chaos begins to remind Matilda of her long-neglected creative side, and she starts to rediscover the person she once was before so much got in the way. But things get even more unmanageable when Matilda and Sage are tasked with putting together an event for a reclusive and controversial windbag of a public intellectual with a cult following that includes a number of people who would like to literally and figuratively see him dead. Add in a lawsuit and an impending snowstorm and Matilda is about to come undone.

Bestselling author Susan Coll’s gastric, bookish, laugh-out-loud comedy of manners reminds us that sometimes things have to completely fall apart for them to perfectly come together.

Interview with Janet:

Susan: Janet! Let’s settle down, okay? Sit! Please? Okay maybe not there—that chair is new. Anywhere else is good, though….Okay, fine, you like that chair. I do too. Just be careful. Let me know if you need to go out…Oh…I didn’t realize we were already live! My apologies. Let’s start from the top again, please…

Good morning and welcome, Janet. Thank you for agreeing to sit for an interview this morning as we continue to go behind the scenes with some of my minor characters. This is the first time that I’ve interviewed a dog, and I’m excited to get started!

Janet: Thank you for this opportunity. Before we begin, I’m quite comfortable here, and since I don’t drool or shed I’m not entirely sure what the problem is. It’s just one of many on my end.

Susan: Oh? Would you like to talk about your concerns?

Janet: Yes, thank you. I would like to begin by pushing back on your characterization of my role in the novel as minor, which is more than a bit speciesist. How minor could I be given that I appear on the cover of the book? 

Susan: Yes, absolutely. You are indeed on the cover and what I meant was…

Janet: I see myself as a major character. My actions are critical to the denouement. You might even say that when I jump onto the stage while Dr. Rutabaga is speaking, I set into motion a chain of events that…”

Susan: Okay let me interrupt, Janet. We want to be mindful of spoilers. I’d like to go back to your accusation of speciesism or whatever you called it. I’m an animal lover. I have two dogs, myself! I have an Australian Shepard who thinks I’m her sheep. She herds me around and even bites me on the calf when she wants a treat. When she was a puppy, she used to…” 

Janet: I don’t care about your pretentious pets, Susan. We are talking about me. While we are on that subject, I’d like to flag the description, above, which is being widely used in the promotional literature for this novel. It is both deeply offensive, ageist, and anti-canine. 

Susan: I don’t understand. 

Janet: Tiny. Puffy. Incessantly urinating. Resembles an underfed rat.

Susan: Oh, right. It’s possible that I used those words somewhere, but let me clarify that authors do not write the flap copy, so you might want to reach out to my editor about this. I’m happy to give you her email. Also, let’s be honest, the incessantly urinating part is not untrue.

Janet: How about you get back to me when you are the dog-year equivalent of 77-years-old and let’s see how your bladder is holding up, especially when you’re at the mercy of others to determine when it is time for you to visit the facilities, so to speak. 

Susan: Understood. If you are able to move past this and accept my apologies, might we spend some time discussing Word Salad, and your – as you say — pivotal role in the book? You belong to a character named Sage. Sage has just been hired to assist the main character, Matilda, in her job planning author events at an independent bookstore. In your first appearance you are hiding in a bag on a chair in the office. 

Janet: Again with the inflammatory language, Susan. I do not “belong” to anyone. And you have flagged another thing my attorney and I are discussing, in addition to the slanderous description we are looking into a discrimination case against the bookstore for its anti-dog policy. 

Susan: Did you say attorney? Also, that’s just factually wrong. The bookstore does allow dogs to visit. The rule in question concerns employees bringing their dogs to work, which I have to agree can lead to problems. You would not believe the chaos before that rule…I refer to it a bit in the novel where a certain dog attacked a certain cockatiel and…

Janet: I’m aware; I was present for that conversation, remember? Probably not, because I’m just a minor character who resembles an underfed rat.  Besides, I think that story has been over-hyped and it was probably a cat, not a dog. Have you ever heard of a dog eating a bird?

 Susan: Well in fact, yes. I once had a situation where my Australian Shepherd…

Janet: Enough about your stupid dog, Susan! And you should know that it’s not just me. I’ve been in touch with a number of animals who have appeared in your novels over the years, and we are talking about a class action suit.

Susan: Really? Don’t you need, like, hundreds of plaintiffs for a class action lawsuit? Or at least more than a handful? I really don’t understand. This is deeply hurtful, Janet. I’m an animal lover! Who else has joined the suit?

Janet: Kurt Vonnegut Jr., for one.

Susan: The tortoise from Bookish People? 

Janet: What you did to that poor thing, stuffing him in the events closet, then having him ride around on a Roomba being chased by a dog. He’s still suffering PTSD.

Susan: Okay I think it is probably best that we not continue along these lines until I’ve consulted a lawyer, so for now let’s get back to talking about your important role in Word Salad. Speaking of lawyers, I believe you were named for Janet Reno, the first woman to serve as the U.S. Attorney.

Janet: Have you read your own book? 

Susan: Pardon me?

Janet: May I refresh your memory? Matilda thinks Janet is an odd name for a dog—-don’t ask me why, pure anti-canineism again. Probably a sprinkling of anti-Semitism, too, perhaps but…

Susan: You’re Jewish? I didn’t know dogs…

Janet: Dogs what? My half-brother just had a bark mitzvah! 

Susan: I’ve never heard of a bark mitzvah. Is that a joke? Sorry I withdraw that question. And of course I now remember that at one point you were named for Janet Reno, but you know these books go through a lot of iterations. Multiple drafts and edits and things change. These minor – sorry important – plot points are hard to keep straight.

Janet: Maybe AI would have a better time remembering what it writes.

Susan: Ouch. I think we are just about out of time. 

Janet: Let’s spend a moment talking about me and my pivotal role if we may.

Susan: Sure, but we only have…

Janet: As you may recall, assuming you remember anything about your own book, I am the subject of a custody dispute in a nasty divorce, and at one point I am being pursued. I come charging into Lincoln Theater and the next thing you know there’s another dog up in the balcony and…

Susan: Okay okay okay remember, no spoilers here please. We want people to read the book!

Janet: And I’m on the cover! 

Susan: You are! 

Janet: And it’s a pretty good picture of me. And I do not look like an underfed rat. 

Susan: You certainly do not. 

Janet: Everyone buy the book because I’m on the cover. Just don’t believe a word that the author says. Because it’s all just a bunch of fiction!

PREORDER WORDSALAD HERE

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Susan Coll is the author of eight novels, including Bookish People and Real Life and Other Fictions, a USA TODAY bestseller. Her third novel, Acceptance, was made into a television movie starring the hilarious Joan Cusack.

Susan’s work has appeared in publications including the New York Times Book Review, the Washington Post, Washingtonian magazine, Moment Magazine, NPR.org, and Atlantic.com. She is the events advisor at Politics and Prose Bookstore in Washington, DC, and was the president of the PEN/Faulkner Foundation for five years. Connect with her online at susancoll.com; Instagram: @susan_keselenko_coll.

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: Interviews, On Writing